


Six Days

by badcircuit



Category: The Bourne Legacy (2012)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feels, Mutual Pining, Unconfessed Love, because canon, holy shit I actually started something and FINISHED it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-16 19:26:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5837980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badcircuit/pseuds/badcircuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What did Outcome #3 do to get himself shipped off to a remote cabin in Alaska?  He fell in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Why did they pull you off the field and put you up here? It’s not physical, the way you’ve been moving, so what’d you do? Turn down an assignment? Start thinking for yourself… **fall in love?...** You fell in love." Outcome #5 would not shut up and now he sat across the table from him--Outcome #3--fishing around in his stew bowl and looking smug because he'd guessed correctly.

3 could have hid his tells but even after one month out here, he was still not quite himself. Or rather, he was no longer the obedient lap dog he'd been before he got a taste of freedom.  

5, or Aaron, as he'd so kindly introduced himself, was the only other agent he'd ever met and was only here because he'd gone off the grid too and 3's cabin was the closest checkpoint. "They" was the government, specifically the U.S. Defense Department black-ops program known as Operation Outcome that they were both a part of. They were super soldiers, mentally and physically enhanced with pills, and in return for those enhancements, they did what they were bid, no matter what it was, no questions asked. The program owned them. They did not think for themselves and they absolutely did not fall in love.

If he was fast enough, 3 could kill this asshole, this Aaron came-over-the-mountain fuck, and they both knew it. He could just jump across the table and choke 5's endless questions out of him. It's not like the program could punish him much more. Or perhaps they'd decide to end him and put him out of his misery.

3 doesn't reply or give 5 the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead, he gets a gun. There's a tense moment as he holds it just a beat too long before placing it on the table in front of 5. "It’s better for wolves," 3 says. "There’s an ammo box by the door, you take as much as you need. We’re done talking. You ate, you’re pulling out early, you should hit it."

5 says something and 3 responds automatically, his mind a million miles away from here. Actually, exactly 4298 miles.

~

 

Day 1

He wasn't sure why he stopped in Punta Gorda except that it was as good a place as any to take a breather. The butterfly farm drew him like a magnet. He needed to see something beautiful to wipe some of the ugly out of his head.

There was a lot to focus on here, an overwhelming amount of information on butterflies in every stage of their lives. And then there were the butterflies themselves, the malachites, monarchs, and blue morpho. Yet every now and then his mind would drift to something that was better off forgotten.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

"Excuse me sir, could you take a picture of me before these butterflies take off?"

The woman was part of his tour group. He'd noticed her as soon as he'd arrived. She stood out among the bland tourist types with her rich brown skin and crown of tiny braids. Of course, he always noticed everything and everyone but this was different. She stared up at him expectantly, a blue morpho perched on her head and a malachite on her shoulder.

"Sorry. Sure." He took her phone carefully and lined up the shot. "Aren't you going to smile?"

"No," she said, but she did, just a little, and he couldn't help but smile himself. He did it so seldom, it felt strange.

He took two shots and startled the butterflies into flight when he moved towards her to return the phone. "These ok?"

As she bent her head over the phone to check the pictures, he noticed things about her a normal person wouldn't have: the warmth of her body, the rhythm of her breath, which had picked up a bit when he came closer, the scent of her soap and of light perspiration.

"These are great. Thanks." Sliding the phone in the front pocket of her jeans, she started to turn away but stopped. Smiling slowly and extending her hand she said, "I'm Asha, by the way."

"Gabriel," he responded, clasping her hand for what he hoped wasn't too long. His real name felt foreign in his mouth, it had been so long since he'd said it out loud.

She looked down but not before he saw her testing his name out silently, her lips pursing on the B and R in a way that made him half hard. She looked up again, right into his eyes, and his dick went up the rest of the way. The only thing saving him was the bagginess of his cargo shorts.

"So... If you're not with anyone, maybe we could, I don't know..." She licked her lips and he suppressed a groan. "Walk together."

'Walk together' was purely innocent so why did his dick get impossibly harder? Or was it innocent? He was an expert at reading people but he was a little lost here. He was very much out of practice in this particular game--a game which, while not entirely forbidden for someone like him, was highly discouraged, and with good reason.  

"I'm not with anyone." He paused then added, "I'm all yours."

Blushing, she bit her thumbnail and glanced off to the side. Not innocent then. So she wanted to fuck him. It's not like he hadn't dallied before but in his current state of mind, he wasn't sure it was a good idea. But then she looked back at him with another slow, shy smile and he'd like to say his dick cast the deciding vote but it was more than that.

"Ok," she said, and then said it again, stronger. "Have you seen the hummingbirds?"

He shook his head and let her lead the way, admiring the skin bared by her low-riding shorts and the sleeveless shirt she had tied in front. He could see the hollow of her spine and almost, the dimples on her ass and he imagined exploring them with his tongue. Shit, he was getting ahead of himself. Thankfully, she was so mesmerized by the hummingbirds that he had a chance to get himself under control without her noticing.

There were literally hundreds of hummingbirds flitting around them and he was soon just as amazed as Asha was. This was the beauty he'd been craving, the indescribable something that was keeping him up nights and distracting him in a business where distraction could mean a bullet to the head. He knew he was walking a very fine line here but he couldn't seem to help himself.

"Gabriel," Asha called and he felt like he had been shot but in a good way. She laughed and the feeling got worse or better, damned if he could tell. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you OK?" she asked. She was close, too damn close. He was going to do something stupid. He couldn't stop staring at her mouth, her lips forming his name again.

"I'm fine. Just a little hot," he said. He was no virgin but he felt uncharacteristically vulnerable, and all because she'd said his name. What was he willing to risk to hear her say it again, whisper it, scream it?

"Maybe we should get a drink, or lunch. Or something." She touched his arm and looked into his eyes. Her hand shook enough that only someone like him would notice and he could tell by the coolness of her fingers and the set of her jaw that it took everything she had to hold his gaze. Brave little soldier. If she could risk it all, so could he.

He suggested the restaurant at his hotel, which was closer than her cabana. She hesitated for the briefest moment but it seemed like forever to him. Maybe now she'd sensed what he was and she'd run to save herself.

"I'm here for six days and then it's back to the real world. You won't think any less of me if I just want to be someone else while I'm here? Someone who gets what she wants and has some kind of... happiness, even if it's only for a little while?"

He'd lived almost all of his life in the service of others, his own wants and needs irrelevant, and he'd almost never questioned it. He now recognized the stirring that had brought him here: selfishness. He wanted what she wanted. He wanted to be the one to give her happiness and maybe steal a little for himself. He wanted her.

"No. I won't," he said. "I'll be someone else too."

Needless to say, there were no drinks or lunch when they got to his hotel. The elevator door had barely closed before they were on each other. He'd thought she'd be passive for some reason but she gave as good as she got, although with a hint of the shyness she'd revealed earlier, as if she'd never been so out of control with anyone else. He liked the thought of that more than he cared to admit. When he pressed her to the wall with his body and slid his thigh between her legs and his tongue into her mouth, she shuddered and clutched at him hard, her pulse thundering and her breath coming fast like someone near hyperventilation. The kiss was only awkward for a moment as they got to know each other's mouths and then she kissed him back in a way that made what was left of his heart ache, with breathy little moans and desperate whimpers, rocking herself against his thigh so that he could feel how hot she was through their clothes.

The ding of the elevator stopped them for a moment. Would she realize she was making a mistake and go now? Her eyes opened and she smiled drunkenly, reaching up to touch his face. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

He gave her a hard, fast kiss and together they ran down the hall. He had to laugh at himself when he fumbled with the key card--Outcomes do not fumble--and it must have sounded strange because she looked at him quizzically while taking the card to let them in. He didn't give her a chance to ask any questions or comment on it.   He'd make her forget it. He'd make her forget whatever it was in the real world that had her taking a chance on someone like him.

They got his clothes off fast but he wanted to savor her. Pushing her gently down onto the bed, he took his time untying and unbuttoning her shirt and pulling her shorts and panties down while she writhed with impatience. She wasn't wearing a bra and her heart was beating so hard her breasts trembled with every thump. "Gabriel," she whispered, trying to guide his hands to where she needed them.

"Patience. I promise I'll make it worth it," he said, surprised at how calm he sounded when he was anything but. Jesus, where to begin? She was laid out like a feast before him, and he was so hungry for her that he felt nearly sick. When he touched her knee, she spread her thighs and threw her hands up over her head, so open and trusting that it gutted him.

"Ok, whatever you want. Just... please. Touch me," she said, almost begging. He needed her begging.

She gasped and came up off of the bed when he buried his head between her legs. He'd wanted to be more subtle than that, to tease a little more, but it had been so long since he'd done this. She was sweet and hot on his tongue, so wet that he knew his face was a mess but it wasn't enough. He eased two fingers inside her and nearly lost it when she slid her fingers into his hair, braced her feet on his shoulders, and began to rock her hips.

He could have gone on for quite awhile but she was close. Again, his otherness made him aware of things not readily apparent: her heart and respiration rate, the minute change in the way she smelled. Instead of speeding up, he slowed down, wanting it to last but she was suddenly past the point of no return. She cried out, clamping her thighs around his head and pounding at the mattress with her fists when he continued on after her clit stopped pulsing.  

"Gabriel stop. Oh my God," she said, laughing breathlessly as she rose on her elbows to look down at him.

He stood, wiping his face with the back of his arm. She stared at his body, at his hard cock. He wasn't vain but it was a rush to have her look at him that way, knowing she saw him as a tool of pleasure instead of a weapon. "So it was worth it?" he said, grinning.

She threw a pillow at him. "What do you think? Where are you going? Get back here."

He dug the unopened box of condoms out of his duffle and showed them to her. "Safety first." He rarely had cause to use them but carried them automatically like his first aid kit and his gun.   

Suited up, he climbed back into bed and into her arms. She pulled his head down for a kiss with one hand and reached between them with the other to guide him where she needed him most. "Sorry but I can't wait," she said with a smile.

He wanted to reply with something witty but being inside her robbed him of speech. Even with his superhuman self-control, he knew he wouldn't last long but since he'd already taken care of her he didn't think she'd mind. She certainly didn't sound like she'd mind, the way she was moaning into his ear. His hips had a mind of their own, pumping too fast, and she wasn't helping at all, wrapping her legs around him and meeting him thrust for thrust.

"It's ok," she said, like she could read his mind.

"Asha," he choked out as he came, and it wasn't ok, but it felt so so good.

"Gabriel." He couldn't see her expression because his face was pressed against her throat and she was stroking his back just the way he liked. He couldn't seem to move and didn't want to. She sounded satisfied though and that was all that mattered.

When he woke up, it was dark and he was hungry. He'd slept so hard, someone could have come in and slit his throat with ease. As if on cue, his stomach rumbled, and beside him, Asha stirred, chuckling.

"I thought I was the only one starving but I didn't want to wake you," she said. She scooted close, throwing her leg over his and playing with his chest hair. "I even checked a couple of times to be sure you were still breathing."

He pulled her closer for a kiss, pushing some of the braids, which were all loose now, behind her ear. "I'm so sorry. I haven't slept like that since..." He shrugged. Hell, he'd never slept like that.

"How's room service here? I don't really feel like getting dressed." She ran her hand down his chest and gave his dick a tentative squeeze. "I don't think you do either."

Reluctantly, he let her go and got up, stretching until his spine cracked. "Good enough. The menu's on the bedside table. Take a look." He took care of another urgent need in the head and studied his face in the mirror while he washed his hands.

What the fuck was he doing?

They could eat and he could take her to wherever she was staying, say thanks for the incredible sex and that would be that. They'd both have something to remember even if it was only one day out of the six she had here. She could go back to her nice, safe life and he could back to doing what he did best, which was neither nice nor safe.

"I'm ready to order," she called.

He opened the door just in time to see her gorgeous bare ass before she pulled her panties up. When she turned around, he saw that she'd already put his shirt on. Her face lit up and he knew exactly what he was doing.

Something selfish and greedy and reckless. Something for himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little sightseeing, a little talking, a bunch of boning.

Day 2

By the time they got done eating, it was past midnight.  He wasn’t used to taking so long on a meal—for him, food was just fuel to be pounded down.  Asha ate slow and seemed to savor every bite, and he had to admit that it had been pretty nice sharing bits of lion fish and grilled shrimp then licking the butter off of each other.  There was a lot of kissing too, and he hadn’t realized how enjoyable that could be either.  He’d never had a girlfriend and while he'd fucked enough to know he was good at it, kissing wasn’t something he’d spent much time doing.  Now, he could appreciate the way Asha responded to just a brush of his lips against hers or him sucking her tongue or him just kissing her until they were both panting and she was moaning his name.

He’d never get tired of hearing her say his name.

She whispered it in his ear, her voice shaky and urgent, as he rolled her beneath him.  Despite the fact that she was sopping wet, he could still feel her tense up when he slid inside.

"I'm hurting you," he said, pulling away.

She pulled him back.  "No, I'm just a little sore.  It's been awhile."  She ran her hands down his back, her short nails scratching lightly, and grabbed his ass.  "Gabriel please."

How could he deny her when she asked so nicely?  He cupped her breasts and thumbed the hard nipples until he felt the tension ease.  "It's been awhile for me too," he said.  "I almost forgot what it was like to do this." Dipping his head, he caught one of her nipples between his teeth and bit down gently.  With a strangled groan, she arched into his mouth, one hand going to his head, holding him in place.  He soothed the bite with his tongue and then sucked until she tightened around him.  He didn't bite the other one, just sucked and sucked while she grew increasingly restless beneath him. 

"Why aren't you moving?" she asked, tugging at his hair and grinding on him. 

"I'm taking it easy."  Dropping his forehead to hers, he took her hands in his and pressed them to the bed on either side of her head.  Her fingers in his hair was a trigger he wasn't ready to have pulled yet. 

She wrapped her legs around his and began to roll her hips.  Lifting her head and closing the distance between their lips, she gave him a rough kiss.  "Don't take it easy.  Don't.  Just do it.  Please." 

Her voice had that pleading tone he liked so he gave her what she wanted.  Now that he'd come, he thought could control himself enough to watch her face and learn what her body liked best.  He tried slow then fast but stuck to deep and steady when her eyes slipped closed and she bit her lip.  "Like that?" he asked.

"God yes," she breathed.  "Let me go.  I need to touch you."

"Not yet."  She was trying to get her arms free and when he tightened his grip, he could feel every tiny reaction:  her body shuddering, the increased heart rate and respiration, her pussy pulsing and getting wetter.  Her breath caught and she whispered his name desperately.  _Fuck_.  He wasn't going to last much longer and he wanted—no, needed—her to come all over him.

Shifting both of her wrists to one hand, he stroked the other down her body.  She was so soft and warm.  Had he ever gotten so much pleasure out of just touching?  When his finger brushed her clit, her eyelids fluttered open and she stared at him as they worked feverishly together.  He watched her come apart incrementally:  first she squeezed her eyes shut, then her hands balled into fists, and her muscles tightened, and her breath came out in shallow little bursts until she went over with a little sob.  He let her go then and her fingers immediately went to his hair.  She held his face so that he couldn't look away, not like he would have, and they went at each other like their lives depended on it—headboard thumping, bed rattling hard—and when he came, it was so intense he felt a little dizzy.  He'd never kept his eyes open that way and she'd kept hers open, too.  It was so intimate he felt like maybe he was blushing.

It was fucking outstanding.  And he was so screwed. 

"Damn, that was... ," she said, trailing off and covering her face with her arm.

"Yeah."  He didn't trust himself to say more so he kissed her until she was breathless and laughing.       

He ditched the condom, then drew her back against him.  When she pulled the arm he wrapped around her tighter, he couldn't hold back a smile.  He felt kind of stupid that such small things made him happy but fuck it, he was going to enjoy it all while he could.  He kissed her ear because it looked like it needed kissing and was rewarded with her wiggling her ass against him.

"Are you trying to start something?  'Cause I need a little sleep to recharge," she said, sounding sleepy.    

"Sorry.  I just can't seem to keep my hands, or mouth, to myself."  He  dropped a kiss on her shoulder, which was gleaming softly in the dim light coming in through the window. 

She laughed then, and with a yawn, wove her fingers through his.  "Good answer." 

He stayed awake, listening to her breath deepen and slow, feeling her body relax and her muscles go slack.  It took a long time before he was able turn off his brain to fall asleep. 

 

The smell of coffee and food dragged him out of another deep sleep.  He'd been dreaming—something else he rarely did—about Asha finding out the truth about him.  Reaching out, he found her side of the bed empty and cold.  It took  him a moment to recognize the sickening rush of adrenaline for what it was: panic.  If she was gone, would he hunt her down or just leave her alone?  He rolled over slowly and there she was at the table, in nothing but a towel.  When she saw he was awake, she gave him a smug grin.  The relief he felt was so strong he could taste it.

"Good morning.  I wore you out.  Again.  Coffee?" 

"Give me some of yours."  He sat up, stretching some surprisingly sore muscles, and patted the bed next to him.

She brought the coffee and a pastry, which they ate together.  "This is very nice," she said, "but I need to get fresh clothes from my place."

"What's the rush?"  Taking her hand, he licked the crumbs from her fingertips. 

"There isn't one, really.  I just... oh God."  When he sucked her index finger, her eyes got that unfocused look and the towel began to droop.    

As happy as he would have been to spend the next five days in bed with Asha, it wouldn’t have been right.  She came here planning on doing other things besides him and he wasn’t going to cheat her out of the real world escape she’d been seeking.  Releasing her hand, he pulled her towel back up with a sigh.  "Okay.  I'll shower and then we'll head out."

 

Asha's cabana was one of six plus a main lodge, all deep in the jungle and set off from each other far enough for privacy.  The seclusion that others probably found romantic put him on edge.    

She stopped in the middle of pulling a fresh t-shirt over her head.  She'd already stripped down and put on a swimsuit and shorts right in front of him like it was nothing.  "Is something wrong?"

"It's kind of isolated out here," he said, rubbing the inferior quality mosquito netting that hung around the bed.

She laughed, sitting on the bed to put on her socks and shoes.  "Um, that's the point.  Is there something I'm missing here?"

"No, it's nothing.  I'm just glad you're not out here alone anymore."

She came over to him and punched him softly on the arm.  "Me too."

 

They decided to drive out to Rio Blanco National Park and hike to the waterfalls, since the tours that Asha had booked needed notice that she’d be bringing him along.  After checking in at the ranger station and leaving their stuff in the adjacent bunkhouse they'd rented for the night, they were on their way.  They were barely on the trail before the questions he’d been expecting started.

“So I’m getting a military vibe from you.  Am I wrong?” she asked.

“No,” he said.  “Special forces.”  Which was mostly true.  He wasn’t going to lie to her.  Once he’d given her his name, he’d decided he’d give her as much of himself as he was able, even if it was only for six days.  "What gave me away?"

"My brother was career Navy; he's retired now.  After he enlisted, he got this way about him.  I can't really describe it but you've got it, too."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that so he settled for admiring her legs in those shorts. 

“I’m an archivist at a university, repairing and restoring old books.  I love the way they smell.”  She was ahead of him on the trail and she paused when she said that, lifting her head to sniff the air, her eyes sliding closed.  Damn, she was beautiful.  He wished he could take pictures of her but that was out of the question.  He'd just have to store it all up in his chemically enhanced brain.

"Yeah, I'm weird," she said with a little laugh, then started walking again.  "Anyway, I was born and raised in Indiana and I still live there.  Pretty exciting, huh?" 

"Stability is highly underrated," he said.  "I was adopted from Guatemala and raised in the middle of nowhere in Iowa.  I didn't fit in and as soon as I turned eighteen, I enlisted in the Army and haven't been back since."

"What about your parents?"

"You mean the people who raised me?  They had no business with a kid, especially one who didn't speak English.  If they could have, I think they would have returned me."

"I'm sorry," she said.  Thankfully, he didn't hear pity in her voice.  Pity was the last thing he wanted.

Enough of talking about that particular part of his past.  He plowed on, hoping she wouldn't ask him more about his fucked up childhood.  "Now I'm always on assignment.  I don't really have a place because I'd never be there anyway."  He stopped short of saying he wished that wasn't the case because what was the point?  

"So I'm an assignment?"  She came sauntering toward him, a playful smile on her pretty face.  "A dangerous librarian, unaware she's in possession of a secret manuscript with the power to destroy the world as we know it." 

When she got close enough, he grabbed her and backed her up against a tree, letting her feel how much she excited him.  "You're definitely not an assignment."

Grinning, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer.  "So I just hijacked your R&R?" 

"I was on my way to the next location and decided to take a little unscheduled leave," he said.  He was going to catch hell but what were they going to do, fire him?

She stiffened and tried to push him back but he caught her by the wrists.  She looked like she might freak out.  "Are you AWOL, Gabriel?"

"I'm taking my time getting to my next job."  He tried to kiss her frown away but she turned her head.  "I'm not AWOL, ok," he said, kissing her cheek and then moving to her throat, to the spot he'd discovered last night that made her melt.  With a gasp, she did, tipping her head to give him better access.  "I need these six days as much as you do.  Maybe more.  I'm going back.  Everything'll be fine."  It definitely wouldn't be but he didn't give a fuck just then. 

When he released her, she stepped back and gave him a long look that was half concern, half need.  "I don't want to be responsible for you getting in trouble."

"You won't be.  I'd already decided to take my detour before I met you.  I'm just adding on a few days."  He held out his hand.  "Come on, Asha.  We've only got five days left.  Let's make the most of them." 

She stared at him and after a moment, her face softened and she took his hand.  He wondered what she'd seen that made her look at him that way but at the same time he wasn't sure he wanted to know.    

They walked silently, companionably, hand in hand, the rest of the way to the waterfalls and he liked that—too much.  It made him think about things he shouldn't, things that just weren't possible. 

"Race you to the top!"  She took off running and left him with his pipe dreams.  He could have caught up to her easily but instead he took his time getting to the top of the falls and by the time he got there she was down to her swimsuit and was toeing off her shoes and socks.

"Looks like we have this place all to ourselves," he said.   "Which is good because I didn't bring anything to swim in."

She walked over to the edge, looked down, and then took some steps back.  "Well, get naked and meet me at the bottom."  With a grin, she took off and jumped, feet first.

He stripped down to his boxer briefs and followed her, only she was nowhere to be seen.  He felt something brush his leg then tug at his briefs and then she surfaced, looking like some kind of water goddess, the sun making her wet hair and eyelashes sparkle.  He wanted to know everything that made her smile like she was smiling now, and what made her angry and sad.  He wanted her, wanted nothing but to be with her, just like they were now.  He wanted more than six days.  Now would have been a good time to splash or dunk her but he'd been struck dumb by a sudden realization.

This must be what falling in love feels like. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?  Is my boob out?"  

"No, but would that even be a problem?"  He swam to her and took her in his arms, loving the way she wrapped her legs around him without hesitation.  He kissed her, testing out how it felt with this new information.  He'd been trained by the best to master his emotions but for the first time in a very long time, he loosened his grip on them.  Could she feel it? 

When she pulled back and opened her eyes, she looked as dazed as he felt.  "What was the question again?" 

Just then, they heard voices.  There was a family looking down from where they'd jumped; the mother covering her young daughter's eyes while their teenage son stared, wide-eyed.  The man yelled down and Gabriel answered, realizing how they must look.  The man chuckled and waved, taking his scandalized family off to sightsee elsewhere. 

"What did he say?  What did you say?  Was that German?"  Asha had let him go and was swimming a slow circle around him. 

He turned with her, treading water effortlessly.  "It was.  He said they were sorry for interrupting.  I told him no problem."

She splashed him.  "It sounded like you said more than that.  How many languages do you know anyway?"

He splashed her back.  "He called us newlyweds and I didn't correct him."  Her little smile at that was a killer.  He had to swallow a few times before continuing.  "I'm fluent in Spanish, French, Russian, Arabic and German, and proficient in Korean, Farsi, Urdu, and Mandarin."

"That's an interesting combination, especially those last ones," she said with a shrewd look.  "I'm going up to jump again.  You coming?" 

"No, I'll sit this one out."  He watched her sidestroke over to land and climb up onto the rocks.  Again, he was struck by how she looked, glistening wet and golden brown in the sunlight, her suit covering all the goods but revealing them at the same time.  He was never going to be able to get out of the water at this rate.

Asha gathered her braids and squeezed the water out.  She gave him a narrow-eyed glare over her shoulder.  "Are you looking at my ass?"

"Yes," he admitted, and then sank beneath the surface to cool down.  When he came up for air after exactly two minutes, she still wasn't back up top.  Rationally, he knew she was ok—probably just having to go slow because she was barefoot—but his training told him he should have gone with her.  Just as he started for shore, she appeared, and with a whoop, did a decent straight forward dive, entering the water with barely a splash.

She came up grinning.  "I did diving for a short time in high school.  The team was desperate for members and I figured what the hell.  What's my score, sir?"

"Definitely a ten," he said, circling her this time. 

She laughed.  "You say that with such a straight face.  I can't tell if we're talking about my ass again."

"We are.  Come here."

They met each other halfway and she clung to him again like she had earlier.  "You know, I'd love to help you with this before we get out of here," she said, rubbing against his relentless hard-on, "but water sex is surprisingly unslippery and just... no.  There's a ledge under the waterfall though."

It was cute the way she scrunched up her nose when she said that.   "No condoms."

"We don't need them for what I want to do."  Her smile was somehow shy and dirty at the same time.  It destroyed any other argument he might have had.  He swam them to the ledge.

Calling it a ledge was being generous.  Sitting on it was going to leave marks but he was sure it'd be worth it.  "There's not enough room for both of us on here."

"That's why you're sitting up there and I'm going to stay down here in the water, like a nymph."  She batted her eyelashes, watching while he pulled himself up.  He was right; the uneven surface of the rock wall was jabbing him in the back.

"Like a nymph— _Oh fuck_."  He'd meant to make a joke of it but the hot wetness of her mouth on him made him incapable of saying actual words.  The pain in his back disappeared.  He could barely think but there was one thing that was clear:  this was everything.  Nothing else existed in that moment except Asha and the way that he felt about her, and maybe, the way that she felt about him, too.  She touched him like she cared, the way no other woman had ever touched him.  She looked at him like he was good, like he was worthy.  She was looking up at him then.  It was another moment so intimate he could hardly stand to watch but he couldn't look away.  There would be nights in the future when all he'd have would be memories like these.   

Whatever she was doing with her lips and tongue was going to make him lose it way before he wanted to.  He touched her hair, thinking she might take the hint and slow down, but instead she moaned and sucked harder.  He slid his hand down, cupping her jaw.  "You don't have to keep going," he said.

She stopped long enough to say, "It's ok.  I want to."  Holding his gaze, she licked his length then went right back to blowing his mind.  He didn't last much longer and was thankful for the roar of the waterfall to drown out how noisy he was when he came.  Before she had a chance to catch her breath, he hauled her half out of the water for a messy kiss.  He wanted to say something but was afraid of what might come out of his mouth, so he just held her instead.

"Not to kill the moment but I'm turning into a prune."

He laughed like he hadn't in a long time, letting her go and sliding back into the water.  "Well, we can't have that."  He swam a little way before realizing she wasn't following.  "What?"

"That's the first time you've done that—laughed that way."  She glided over and touched his top lip.  "I like it."

It would have been nice if he could promise he'd do it more but he wasn't wired like that.  "I'm glad."

Up top, they gathered their stuff and waded through a small pool to the shade of the trees.  There was room to lay out their towels and dig in to the food they'd bought on the way out of town.  They ate silently for awhile, simply enjoying the now cold garnaches and bollos and listening to the sounds of the jungle.  He watched her watching the ever present Blue Morphos butterflies that were flitting around the flowering bushes and knew from her expression that more questions were coming.

"So just how long can you tread water?"  She handed him one of the Belikins to open.

He stared at her lips on the bottle and the way her throat moved as she swallowed while he thought of how to answer.  "As long as I need to."  He opened his beer and drank half.  Too bad it wasn't ice cold anymore or he would have used it to shock his wayward dick into submission.

"You know what I mean."

He scratched his stubble, sighing.  "The longest?  I don't know, I didn't time it.  Hours."  That had been one massive clusterfuck of an assignment.

"Are you a SEAL?"

"Would it make you come over here any faster if I was?"

Finishing the beer, she rolled the bottle between her palms and gave him a side-long glance.  "Nope."

"Oh well.  I'm not a SEAL.  Or a Ranger or a Green Beret or anything else you've heard of.  Can we leave it at that?"  If he squeezed his bottle much harder, it would shatter and then what would she think he was?

She knee-walked over and climbed into his lap.  "Yes.  I'm sorry.  I'm just curious about you."  She smoothed his hair back and kissed him. 

"The less you know about what I do, the better."  He let the bottle go and filled his arms with her, hating the way she tensed at his words and the way her heart rate sped up. She was afraid.  "Can you live with that for a few more days?"

As she stared into his eyes, she relaxed but he could tell she wasn't happy about it.  "I can."  She fingered a few of his more prominent scars, including the one near his left shoulder that could not be mistaken for anything other than what it was—a gunshot.  "I get the impression that the more I know, the less I'll like it.  Anything that hurts you like this can't be that great."

_Not afraid_ of _him, afraid_ for _him._ He was an idiot.  He hugged her close, hiding his face against her throat until the suspicious hot prickling in his closed eyes passed.

"Let's go back," she whispered.  He could feel the change in her as her body responded to his and his dick, ever the trooper, grew harder still.  They fumbled their clothes back on, hurriedly gathered their shit, and hustled back to the bunkhouse, startling some hikers as they rushed by.

Kicking the door shut behind them, they helped each other get naked and fell onto the bed, freezing when it groaned alarmingly.

Asha giggled.  "We're going to kill it."

He pulled her up and backed her against the wall, nuzzling his bristly face against the tender skin of her throat.  Selfishly, he wanted to mark her so she'd have a reminder of him after he was gone, even if it was temporary.  "Then we won't use it." 

"Mmm, ok," she agreed, her breath hitching as he ran his hands down her back to her ass, tugging her closer. 

He was amazed at how he could reduce her to a trembling, writhing mess with something as simple as a kiss to her collarbone or parting her thighs with his so that he could feel how wet she was.  He squeezed her ass and she began to move, riding his thigh with little choked back sounds of pleasure.

Her hands, which had been restlessly petting him, stilled on his chest, her pinkie fingers teasing his nipples.  "Condom quick.  I want you inside me when I come." 

"Yeah."  He wanted that too.  He let her go long enough to dig one out of their bag and got it on in record time.  He had a moment when she stroked his cock and guided him to her, and another when he slid home but counting to ten in Arabic got him back on track.  Asha bit her lip and moaned, her eyes closing as they moved together.  "Good?" he asked.

She nodded, smiling.  As he hiked her up higher on the wall, she slipped her hand between their bodies to touch herself.  "I think this'll be fast.  I hope you don't mind."

He huffed a laugh.  "Are you kidding?" 

Her little laugh turned into a groan of pleasure as her hand moved faster, her slick fingers bumping the base of his cock on every pass.  Since his hands were busy gripping her hips, he had to settle for helping her along with his mouth.  Her already hard nipples got harder still as she came, whimpering and twitching in his arms.

"Gabriel... ," she whispered, touching his face with the same hand she'd been using on herself.  He caught her fingers and sucked, the taste of her making him woozy.  He wanted to make it good for her but after waiting for the brief amount of time it took her to come and barely surviving her actual orgasm, he was lucky to last more than ten minutes.  It wasn't lost on him how she utterly destroyed the self-control that the Program had drilled into him.

They lay on the dusty floor afterwards, her body draped over his.  He couldn't see her face to gauge how she was feeling but maybe that was ok.  "You make me come like I never got laid before," he said, and he felt her vibrate with silent laughter.  "Seriously.  I'm usually not a two pump chump."

She laughed out loud at that.  "You've got a few more days to prove it.  No," she turned her head to look at him, a small smile on her face. "You're perfect.  I'm not complaining."

He helped her up and she surprised him by hugging him hard, her ear pressed to his chest right over his heart.  "So you know how that guy called us newlyweds and you didn't correct him?  If I'm your wife, what's my new last name?" 

He should have known she was going to bring that up again.  "Morales."  Could she hear how fast his heart was pounding? 

"Asha Morales.  I like it.  Now let's see what's left to eat.  I'm starving."

If he'd been a little unsure about how strong his feelings were for Asha before, there was no doubt about them now.  He half-listened to her joke about getting food poisoning while they ate what was left of the bollos and garnaches, his mind going a mile a minute, working out scenarios for the future that were quickly discarded.  He'd never really thought about the future before, hadn't had a reason to.  Now he was trying to figure out how he could hide out in Indiana because there was no way he would take Asha away from her life there to run off to BFE with him.  And who said she'd even want anything to do with him beyond six days?    

He finally had something—someone—to give a fuck about and he couldn't see any way to make it work.         


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3. More sightseeing, a lot of talking, a little boning.
> 
> Sorry for the delay. Not beta’d, a little tipsy while going over this for the trillionth time. If you see a mistake, point it out.

Day 3

The nearby scream of a jaguar jolted him awake.  It was still dark and Asha was out cold for a change, her naked body warm and sleep-heavy next to his.  He'd certainly done his part to tire her out last night, making love to her again after they'd eaten and then hiked out to a place where they could watch the sun set. 

Making love.  There was really nothing else to call what he was doing to her, with her.  He thought that Asha might agree that this thing had gone way past fucking although he wasn't sure she'd go so far as to call it love.  No matter how she felt about him, he was hers, body and what was left of his soul. 

Never mind that he belonged to Outcome.  He'd thought about cutting out the tracking chip they'd embedded near his hip so that he could disappear but outside of the Program, he was nothing, no one.  He literally didn't exist.  Gabriel Morales had "died" during the liberation of Kuwait.  So now, if he couldn't go and take Asha with him, he might as well do what he was trained to do. 

He figured that the puppet masters would be getting pissed right about now and that surely there was someone en route, if not already on the ground, to give him a little reminder of who controlled his strings.  If he had to kick some ass, so be it, but he wasn't leaving until Asha's plane back to Indiana was wheels up.

She stirred as if she could feel his agitation, rolling over on her back so that her perfect tits were _right there_ and just like that, he was ready to go.

His hand was in motion when she spoke, her words like a kick to the balls.  "What kind of name is Geoff Nash?  You don't look anything like a Geoff Nash."

"So that's what you were doing before I woke up.  Was it yesterday or the first day?"  He hoped he sounded calm because he sure as hell didn't feel calm.  It was his dream from the other night coming true.  He hadn't considered it a nightmare because he'd woken up before Asha had reacted.  Now what would she do in real life? 

"The first day.  I'm not stupid, Gabriel.  That really is your real name, isn't it?"  She'd grabbed his hand before he could snatch it back and she was holding it tightly.  She was still but he could feel the tension vibrating in her while she waited for him to answer.

"It is.  Everything I told you was the truth.  Only a select few people I work for know my real name.  And now you." 

"Why me?"  Using his hand for leverage, she'd rolled back over to face him and now she watched him, her expression giving away nothing.    

He opened his mouth, closed it.  _Fuck._ "Because."  _Because I'm an idiot.  Because I need you.  Because I love you._   "Because I—"

She let his hand go and covered his mouth before he could finish.  "No, forget I asked that."  She curled against him, hiding her face but not before he thought he saw what he'd nearly put into words.  Her lips moved against his skin, almost silently forming words  a normal person wouldn't have been able to make out but he was far from normal, thanks to some chemical tinkering courtesy of Outcome: _I feel the same way._ When he tried to get her to look at him, she clung tighter.  "Thank you."  Finally she looked at him, as serious as he'd seen her so far.  "For... trusting me."

"You're welcome.  Ms. Davis."

"What?"  She pounced on him, wrestling him onto his back and straddling his waist.  The bed protested loudly and Asha pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.  "So when did you do your snooping?"     

There, she was smiling again.  "The second night, after you passed out.  I should have done it the first day like you did but I got distracted."  He swiveled his hips so that she could feel how much she distracted him.  His stomach did a slow flip flop as she looked down at him and licked her lips, hunger flaring in her eyes.  "In my line of work, we call that a dereliction of duty."

"Now you're trying to distract me."  She laid back down next to him, her hand idly stroking his chest.  "Is your line of work the reason you have another name?"

Fuck, he didn't want to get into this but she was too smart to completely bullshit.  "Yeah but it's not just another name; it's my identity now.  Gabriel Morales died in Khafji, Kuwait during the Gulf War.  That was a part of the deal I made when I took this job and became Geoff Nash." 

"So your family—I mean the people who adopted you—think you're dead?"

"Yes but I'm sure they didn't grieve.  They were practically cheering when I enlisted and left their home."  He'd never thought of it as his home.  He could see Asha's face and was touched that she was angry on his behalf.

"That's horrible.  How did they even manage to adopt?"

He chuckled although what he was about to tell her wasn't in any way humorous.  "Well see, that's the thing.  The one good thing they did for me was tell me my birth name.  Once I was able, after I became Geoff, I went to Guatemala to try to find my real family.  I knew it would be like finding a grain of sand on the beach—Morales is kind of like Smith in Guatemala—but I had to try, you know?"  She nodded, her face solemn, her hand gone still on his chest.  "Did you know that lots of kids are stolen in Guatemala for illegal adoptions?  I didn't either until I tried to find out where I came from.  There were no records for me.  Either they were lost or they never existed.  I want to believe Gabriel Morales is my real name but who knows?  If I was stolen, the thieves could have made up any name.  So anyway, I imagine that's how they were able to adopt me.  Or buy me, I guess."

She sighed heavily but said nothing for awhile.  Her hand went back to stroking him.  "What would you have done if you found them?  Your real family?"

"You know, I'm not sure.  I think I just wanted to see them.  It was too late to do anything else.  Because I was Geoff.  Am Geoff.  God, it's so fucked... "

"And we shouldn't be talking more about Geoff, right?      

"Geoff is an asshole and not worth talking about."

She laughed but there was irritation in it.  "And you're nothing like him?  You know how crazy that sounds?"

"I do.  But no, I've just recently discovered I'm nothing like him.  Especially not when I'm with you."

She got that serious look again and he felt a little bad for getting all emo with her.  She was the one who wanted to keep it casual and look what he'd gone and done.  But then she touched his face, stroked his heavy stubble, and gave him the sweetest kiss, like maybe she didn't mind.  "You're strange but cute.  We should go.  We're out of food and a shower would be incredible right about now.  Plus my bed is big and quiet."  She waggled her eyebrows comically and shifted, making the bed screeched.

"Say no more."  He jumped up and started pulling on clothes, firing hers at her until she dissolved into laughter.  He should have packed up the rest of their shit while she dressed but he couldn't stop staring at her and she noticed.  "Sorry," he muttered, turning away finally to blindly stuff things into her duffle bag. 

"Don't be.  I like the way you look at me.  Like I'm you're favorite dessert."

He smacked his lips.  "You are," then added seriously, "Come on.  You're gorgeous."

"Get out."  Asha bit her lip and looked away, like she was embarrassed, like no one had ever told her how beautiful she was.

He heard the park ranger approaching before the guy knocked on the door but he waited until that happened before calling out that they were wrapping things up.  Stepping to her, he gently turned her face to his.  "Asha, I've seen a lot of ugly."  _Been the cause of it, too._ "I know beauty when I see it." 

"Thank you."  She leaned in for a kiss.  "You're pretty easy on the eyes, too."  Her stomach rumbled and she laughed.  "Let's hit the road." 

He drove while Asha reclined her seat and stuck her bare feet out the window.  They found a  food stand along the way and scarfed down the ever-popular bollos and some sweet, creamy sapotes.  Once they got going again, Asha curled up on the seat facing him, her eyes closed and a small smile on her face.  He thought he knew what was coming—more questions—but when she finally spoke, she surprised him.

"Don't you want to know anything about me?"

Of course, he wanted to know everything about her but it seemed like a form of self-torture to gather a lot of information and then not be able to do anything with it past their agreed upon six days.  "Yes and no.  You understand why not, right?"

"Yeah but still.  Keep it superficial then."  She stretched and her shirt rode up, revealing about an inch of bare skin. 

He gripped the wheel harder to keep from touching it before remembering he didn't need to deny himself the pleasure.  When he touched her, she purred and writhed like a content kitten, giving him access to more of her warm, brown skin.  "Ok, let me think."  There were a million things he wanted to know and most of them weren't in any way superficial.  He sifted through the possible questions, discarding one after the other for their potential to drive him fucking nuts if he knew the answer.  "Alright.  How long does it take you to braid your hair like that?"

"Oh, I don't do this." She huffed a laugh, twirling a few of the tiny braids around her finger.  "It took two very talented ladies five hours, braiding at the same time.  I've had designs done that took twice as long." 

"Fuck."  He'd sat or lain still that long on sniping missions so he could relate.  Sort of.

"Yeah.  Next question," she said, grinning.

He thought some more, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on her belly.  "Only child?"

"Nope.  I have an older sister."

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" he blurted. 

She slanted him a look.  "You're done with superficial?"

He shrugged, feeling stupid.  Maybe she did have one.  Maybe she was married.  Whatever she had or was, it didn't matter because there was no way she could be his.  "You don't have to answer that."  He started to pull his hand away but she kept it there.

"Gabriel, whatever you want to know, I'll tell you."  After a few minutes, she sighed and answered.  "I could say I've been too busy getting my degree, and now working, but it's not really either of those things.  I just haven't been into anyone that way in a while.  My mother and sister say I'm too picky."

He snorted.  "And here you are with me."

"So you're saying you're my boyfriend?  Bummer, that's a downgrade from fake husband.  No, don't get all serious.  I'm just teasing.  But in a perfect world..."  She trailed off, giving him a soft smile and lacing her fingers with his.

"My world is as imperfect as it gets."

"So you keep hinting at but I won't ask."  She held up her hands, a non-verbal promise to avoid the subject.  "Oh look, here we are."

They pulled into her resort and she hopped out of the truck before it came to a complete stop, no doubt annoyed at his continued evasiveness but better annoyed than in any deeper as far as her knowledge of him went.  He followed her in with her bag, setting it on the bed while she disappeared into the bathroom.  A few minutes later, the water started.

"I think I could use a good soak," she said, sticking her head out the door.  "So could you, I'll bet.  Join me?"  Then she stuck her leg out, which he noticed was now bare, and struck a pose. 

He wanted to lounge in the tub with her, take his time smoothing lather all over her skin, maybe even sit her up on the edge of the tub and eat her until she screamed but something was off here.  He'd felt it as soon as they'd walked in.  Someone had been in here recently. 

"I better not.  We won't make it to the chocolate place on time for the tour if we get going in there."

Her face fell.  "Are you mad at me for being pissy about you and your super secret Geoff Nash stuff?" 

"Of course not.  I know you're really looking forward to this chocolate thing.  I just need to grab some stuff from my room and I'll be good to go."  He caved and went to her; he had to at least touch her once more before he left.  "I could never be mad at you."  She was completely naked; he could see her perfect ass in the mirror behind her.  He slipped his arms around her waist and gliding his hands down to her butt, pulling her close.  "Maybe we can bring some chocolate back and get creative with it.  Then we'll need another bath."

"Hmph.  Trying to distract me again,"  she grumbled, bringing her hands up between them as if to push him away but fisting his t-shirt instead.  "Hurry up then."  She gave him a quick, hard kiss and stepped back reluctantly, letting him see how wound up she was, her hard, brown nipples peeking out from behind her hair and wetness shining between her legs. 

Waiting until he heard the splash of her settling into the tub, he went back out to the truck.  His guard had gone up as soon as they pulled up at her cottage, that feeling of being watched increasing by the second.  The person made his move when Gabriel turned to open the door but he was expecting it.  Stepping to the side, he clamped his hand around a wrist  and forced it back hard, registering the knife as it hit the ground.  His assailant hissed in pain, striking out with his other hand but he was ready for that, too, dodging it and smiling with grim satisfaction as it banged into the hood of the car, leaving a dent.  Charging, he caught the man off balance and they both went down, rolling around and scrabbling for the knife.  He got in a shot to the solar plexus, scooped up the knife, and had it at the asshole's throat before he could catch his breath.

"I was wondering how long it was going to be before they sicced the hounds on me."

The agent bared his teeth in a very hound-like grin.  "I'm just here to remind you who you belong to.  Just in case you're getting some crazy ideas.  It'd be a shame for something to happen to your pretty little fuckbuddy—Asha, is it?— or her family back in Indiana all because you couldn't keep it in your pants."

Gabriel pressed the knife down, drawing blood.  "I don't respond well to threats or insults to friends.  You can tell the bosses that I'll be at the next rendezvous in five days and to back off until then.  Any bullshit and I'll hunt down everyone involved and kill them, up close and personal."

The agent raised his hands in surrender; Gabriel saw with fierce satisfaction that the one that had hit the car was bruised and swollen.  "Easy there, Romeo."

Gabriel let him up but not before cracking a few ribs with a well-placed kick.  He watched the prick limp off into the jungle and waited until he heard a car engine roar to life before looking back to see if Asha had come out to see what was happening.  Thankfully, she wasn't there.  Cupping a hand around his ear, he listened until he heard the bath water still splashing and her voice as she hummed to herself.  He took another glance around and seeing no one, sensing no one, he finally left.   

All the way to his hotel and back, he thought about what had happened.  The man they sent definitely hadn't been a fellow Outcome—too slow—although he wouldn't know another asset if he saw one; they'd been trained separately and always worked alone.  The guy must have been the closest agent available and to them, completely expendable if shit had gone down that way.  The more he thought about someone being in Asha's room and the threats that had been made against her and her family, the angrier he got.  Mostly he was angry that his own selfishness had put all of this in motion.

_Fuck.  He should just go._

Slamming on the brakes, he pulled over and hopped out, prowling around the truck as he thought it through.  Asha was a smart woman.  If he disappeared right now, she'd probably put two and two together and figure out that he'd left suddenly only because he had to. 

And maybe, just maybe, she'd be disappointed.  Maybe she'd be sad.

He got back behind the wheel and drove back to Asha as fast as the rutty roads allowed.  He couldn't leave yet.  He needed the next few days to get him through the rest of his miserable life.  And he'd rather die than make her sad.  This time when he pulled up to her cottage, he took a moment to scan the area but the feeling that he'd had before was gone.  Jogging up the steps, he snatched the screen door open, wincing when he heard wood crack.    

"You should keep the door locked."  He made himself walk to her slowly but couldn't stop himself from pulling her back against him and then getting hard as he felt the way her body responded to the rough way that he'd done it.

She gave him a skeptical look in the mirror where she'd been weaving a colorful wrap around her head.  "All the way out here?  I don't think so."

"I'm serious.  Anyone could be come in." 

Turning in his arms, she laid her cool hands on his face, stroking until he unclenched his jaw.  "Ok, ok, I will.  Relax, everything is fine.  Did something happen?"

 _Damn it_.  She was too perceptive for her own good.  He thought about breaking his promise not to lie to her but opted for omission instead.  "I got a reminder to get my ass back sooner rather than later."

"Was someone here?" she said, craning her neck to look outside. 

"Yeah, showed up when I was leaving.  I sent him away with a message that I'd be back once we're done."

There was a heavy pause where she looked up at him, her clever eyes searching his face.  "Ah," she said, touching a bruise that he'd hoped she wouldn't notice under his overgrown stubble.  "Let's go then or we'll miss the tour."          

~

The chocolate place was in San Pedro Columbia, about twenty nine klicks from Asha's resort.  They made the thirty four minute drive in silence and he was frustrated as hell that he couldn't get a handle on her mood. 

"How much longer?" she asked, finally turning from staring out the window. 

"Just a few minutes," he replied.  "You good?" 

"I'm fine."  She reached over and touched his bruise again, looking distressed.  "Just tell me. When you say you sent that guy back with a message... Does that mean you kicked his ass, too?"

"Technically, I kicked him in the ribs but yes."  He'd braced himself for a hard question, something he wouldn't have wanted to answer but he didn't mind admitting to violence this time, especially when it made her smile like that.

"Good," she said, laughing and leaning over to kiss his injury.  "Come on.  The chocolate awaits."

Their destination was a farm run by the ever-smiling, machete-wielding Eladio and his very large family.  Eladio walked them around his sprawling property, pointing out every single plant and encouraging them to taste it all, while telling them and the other five people on the tour everything anyone could have ever wanted to know about the history and sustainable cultivation of chocolate.  Once they'd been given a chance to grind some fermented, roasted, and winnowed cacao beans on the metate and mold their own chocolates, Eladio's wife, Virginia, served up a lunch which featured a hot chocolate drink made from the beans they had just processed.          

"I'd like to live like this one day," Asha said as they got ready to leave.  One of Eladio's younger sons pulled her down to his level and snapped a picture of their two smiling faces with the surprisingly modern phone he'd been documenting their entire tour with.  Gabriel had been hyper aware of that phone and had done his damnedest to stay out of every picture.  Asha pulled her own phone out and took a solo picture of the boy and he ran off giggling.  "Out in the middle of nowhere, on a farm maybe."

"With fifteen kids and a husband who carries a machete everywhere?" 

"One or two kids will suffice.  And my husband can borrow my machete, if he doesn't already have one."

"You own a machete?"

"I do.  Don't look so shocked.  They were on sale at the local hardware store and I thought it was funny.  I keep it in the drawer under my bed but I haven't been able to surprise anyone with it yet."  She said all of this so matter-of-factly that he couldn't help but laugh.

Eladio's photographer son came back and beckoned Asha over to where his mother was, where she was given some of the chocolate they'd made.  Virginia glanced over her shoulder at Gabriel and then leaned in close to say something to Asha.  With all the commotion around them, he couldn't make out the words but Asha got the strangest look on her face.  She looked stunned, her eyes darting in his direction for a split second.  It was there and gone so fast that he was probably the only one that noticed.  Clutching the bag of chocolate, she nodded her thanks, mustered a smile then walked back to him, continuing past so that he had to catch up.

"What just happened back there?  What did she say to you?"

"What?  It was nothing.  She just wished us well." 

Grabbing her arm, he could feel the tension her smile couldn't hide.  "There was something else.  I could tell because you got this look—"

Stopping, she took a deep breath before looking at him.  She looked stricken even though she tried to laugh.  "It's funny because you and I were just talking about kids.  She wished us happiness and said we'll make pretty babies."

 _Well fuck._   What could he say to that?  Especially since when they'd talked earlier, his wayward brain had slipped in an image of Asha—belly swollen and glowing even more than she already did—before he'd shut that shit right the fuck down. 

"Awkward, right?" Asha said softly, shaking him loose.  "Let's just go."

It was another quiet ride to their next destination, Nim Li Punit, although about halfway there, Asha reached over, took his hand off the steering wheel and held it. 

~

After navigating the steep road in to the small Mayan ruins at Nim Li Punit, they paid the entry fee and got a map of the site from the attendant.  Before heading out onto the grounds, they marveled at the massive stone carvings, or stelae, that were kept in the visitor center, including the tallest one in Belize, which depicts a ruler with the large headdress for which the site was named.  Asha held his hand as they strolled around outside, taking in the Plaza of the Stelae, where the big hat stela had once been located, the ball court, and some tombs.  They had the place entirely to themselves. 

"You can see Guatemala from here," he said, pointing towards the Caribbean sea in the distance.

"It must be pretty cool seeing all of this, knowing where you're from, who your ancestors are."

He was surprised at how much seeing these ruins had affected him, even though there wasn't much here to see.  He felt something like pride for the first time in probably his entire life.  "I guess it is."

They started to head back to the truck but Asha stopped him.  "Sorry for being short with you earlier.  What Virginia said threw me off and made me think about... you know.  It's silly because I never really thought about... that, I mean, having kids, but I did for a moment and it just...  I know that can't happen."

"It can happen.  Just not with me."

She lifted her head, let him see the shimmer of tears in her eyes.  "Logically, I know that," she said.  "Of course I do.  We barely know each other.  Blame it on hormones and biological clocks.  Did you know that there's a chemical called oxytocin that's released after sex and that it makes women crazy?"  She took a breath.  "Anyway, I've discovered that vacation flings are a lot more complicated than they're made out to be.  I'm sorry for getting emotional."

"It's ok."  Outwardly, he was cool.  Inside, he was the fucking emotional mess.  He knew about oxytocin.  It made women want to bond.  Wanting to bond with him, given what little Asha knew about him, was certainly a complication.  Oxytocin made women think they were in love, even if the guy they were screwing was a Grade A fuck-up.  She was telling him that whatever feelings she had for him were drug-induced and temporary.  It didn't change how he felt about her one iota.  He couldn't stop himself from loving her anymore than he could stop the world from spinning.  Their vacation fling would be over soon and until that time, he'd take what he could get.        

~

"Which place is closer?  Yours or mine?" Asha asked, breaking the heavy silence of their drive back.  He hadn't said anything more about kids, vacation flings, or oxytocin, hadn't been able to.  He'd clamped down his emotions and kept his mouth shut, lest he blurt out something that would only complicate their situation more.

"Mine."

"Let's stop there."  She yawned and stretched.  "I could use a nap."

Instead of eating each other alive in the elevator like they had the first time, they stood quietly a foot apart.  Gabriel glanced at Asha, wondering if the air felt as hot and close to her as it did to him.  She looked calm, serene, but he could feel the tension she tried to hide.  Time dragged by as the ancient elevator lurched slowly from the first floor to the second.

He let her into the room first, locked up, and then stood watching dumbly as she went around to the nightstand and brought out the single strip of condoms he'd left behind. 

"Condoms take all the spontaneity out of sex," she said, glaring at them in her hand before looking up at him.  Her gaze was heated, her cheeks flushed.  "Come over here."

He dropped the bag he'd brought in and went, thinking again about oxytocin.  "Are you feeling spontaneous?  What about your nap?"

"Shhh.  Too much talking.  We talked too much today and now I just want to..."  Instead of finishing, she tossed the condoms on the bed and began to undress him.   He stood still and silent, letting her be the aggressor, lifting his arms for her to get the shirt off, not offering any help while she wrestled his belt loose and worked the button and zip of his shorts open then let them drop.  She slid her hand down, stroking his cock through his underwear, thumbing the wet spot over the straining head.  "Looks like you want that, too," she said, giving him a squeeze.

God help him, he did.  "Jesus Asha.  Yeah.  Just tell me what to do."

Instead of answering, she planted a hand on his chest, pushed him down onto the bed, and finished getting him naked.  He heard the rustle of cloth as she removed something, her shorts judging by the sound of the snap, and then she made a soft sound of horny distress that made him lift his head to watch as she slipped her panties off.  Wetness glistened on her thighs and her swollen clit peeked out of the neatly trimmed bush there.  Holding his gaze, she touched herself and made that sound again, a sighing moan that made his cock achingly hard. 

"Fuck," he croaked, "come up here please."

She unwound the wrap from her head, letting her braids spill down.  She crawled over him and he followed, trying to hand her the condoms but she brushed his hand away and kept going until they were up near the hand-carved wooden headboard.  Hovering over his chest, she smiled down at him, trying to look unaffected but he could see her thighs trembling on either side of his head.  "You know what to do." 

Goddamn right, he did.  Settling into the pillows, he grabbed her ass and brought her down to his mouth.  He didn't waste any time teasing, just went straight to work sucking her clit with an intensity that caught her off guard.  She let out a cry, one hand braced against the wall, the other groping for the headboard for support.  He offered his hand and she took it, entwining their fingers as she rolled her hips.  Her face was a study in pleasure, her eyes squeezed shut, her brow furrowed, her teeth catching her bottom lip again and again.  Her breath came faster, her hand squeezing his tighter.  He sucked harder, needing her to lose her shit ASAP, because the sooner she did, the sooner he could be inside her and right now, he needed that almost more than he needed his next breath.  Moving his other hand down, he traced her slick lips, driving her closer to the edge.  His fingers wandered, grazed her asshole, and she bucked like she'd been hit with a stun gun.  He could hear her heartbeat accelerating, could feel it where he held her in his mouth.  She took five little gasping breaths and then she was gone.   

"God," she said, her voice quavering as she came back down.  After wriggling out of her top and bra, she pushed her hair out of her face and sat back, one hand patting around on the bed.  "Where are the condoms?"

"Way ahead of you."  He'd freed the hand she'd been mangling and got one on as soon as she finished coming.  He guided her hands to his chest and touched her hips lightly.  "Back up or I'm going to embarrass myself."

She eased back but not enough.  "Does that mean you want me?"

"It does.  I do."  He couldn't stop himself from pumping his hips at the air in frustration.  "I need to be inside you."

Leaning down, she kissed him, then swiped her hand across his chin.  "Your face is a mess."

"A sign of a job well done.  Now quit stalling and fuck me."

"If you're going to ask like that..." she said, grinning, and moved back the rest of the way.  Between her wetness and his hardness, he slid right in, hands-free.  They fit together perfectly and despite how amazingly it felt, he couldn't help but feel a pang of despair that in a few days this would be just a memory.

Asha sat up again, sucking in a breath as she sank down fully onto him, her head lolling back, the curled ends of the tiny braids tickling his thighs.  "I think I'm coming all over again."

His hands had been on her tits, pinching the way he knew she liked.  He drew one down her front, enjoying the way her muscles tensed in the wake of his touch.  "You think?  Let's make sure," he said, pressing his thumb to her hard clit.  It was good, so good, but just as good was hearing the sounds she made and watching her face as they moved together.  She tightened up, definitely coming again, her inner muscles clenching and releasing, tipping him over the edge.  He jack-knifed up and wrapped his arms around her, probably squeezing too tight, moaning into her mouth when she held him in return, one hand in his hair, the other clutching his back.

"I'll never forget this," she whispered against his lips.  "Never forget you."

"I won't either," he managed, his throat tight with emotion.  He knew his face gave nothing away; he was an expert when he had to be.  His eyes were another story so he kept them shut and hugged her closer for a moment before letting her go to sprawl out on his back. 

He should have hauled his sorry ass out of bed and cleaned up but he couldn't seem to move.  He let Asha do the honors and lazily admired her butt as she crossed the room to deposit a messy handful of tissue into the trash.  He'd never felt so sated and like nothing, absolutely nothing else, mattered at that moment.  Governments crumbling, wars raging, the world burning down, he gave not a single fuck.  For three more days—more like 2 1/2—he was out of the equation, not on-call to interfere on behalf of the US of  A, his shadow hand still and empty.  He had a sudden ridiculous urge to spill his guts and tell her what a piece of shit she was dealing with.    

Asha came out of the bathroom and flopped face-down on the bed, still naked.  He filled his empty hand with her magnificent ass and she mumbled something into the mattress.  A few minutes passed where he thought she'd fallen asleep but then she turned her head and gave him a sleepy, satisfied smile.  "Don't let me sleep too long.  Clock is ticking."

No, he couldn't unburden himself, couldn't tell her things that would literally endanger her life if she knew them, things that would probably make her hate him.  He had to have her for every remaining minute, every last fucking second.  He didn't deserve Asha's magic but he was going to take it all the same.  When their clock ran out, he'd disappear, be a shadow again.  Be no one.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch the scene again where Aaron Cross is in the bunk at the Alaska cabin and he's looking at the names carved into the wood. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sightseeing, a little boning, more talking.

Day 4

"Shit!"

Gabriel was brushing his teeth when he heard Asha swear, loud and sharp.  Right away, he was ready to come out swinging if the Agency had decided to interfere again.  He dropped the brush and burst out of the bathroom, mouth still full of toothpaste.  "What is it?"

She glanced up from her phone then did a double take.  "Whoa there.  It's nothing that requires you to stomp out here like that."

He looked around, didn't see anything, and took a breath to ease the adrenaline rush.  "You sounded distressed.  I may have overreacted."

"May have?"  She chuckled.  "I'm just pissed because they rescheduled our drumming thing 'til tomorrow.  Not enough people signed up for today."  Setting the phone aside, she got up and went to him, reaching up to knead his shoulders.  "Relax.  Everything is fine.  Are you expecting otherwise?"

"No.  You know I told the job when I'd be back.  I thought maybe they didn't like my answer."

"You looked like you were ready to throw down.  It was kind of scary.  And kind of hot."  She squeezed his arms once more then stepped back.  "But I'm ok so you can go finish up.  You're foaming at the mouth."

He rinsed and spit, then studied his face in the mirror, wondering if everyone could see how far gone he was.  For a minute there, he had felt like a mad dog, ready to rip some throats out.  He hadn't realized how protective he could feel about someone.  How the fuck was he going to turn this off when they went their separate ways?

Asha came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.  "We can go to Blue Creek Village and take our chances on getting a tour guide for a trip to Hokeb Ha Cave.  We'll have to hike out there but then we get to swim into the cave.  You up for that?"

They shared a heated look, both of them thinking about last night.  Asha had woke him up with a handjob, they'd gone at it, stopped long enough for room service then gone right back to it.  "Are you questioning my stamina?"

"Never," she laughed and swatted him on the ass. 

~

They had no trouble finding a tour guide because Blue Creek Village was as free of tourists as every other place they'd been.  The local consensus was that Silvano was the man they were looking for.  They found him sitting outside of the village's sole restaurant, sorting through a basket of papayas.  Silvano's father was one of three brothers who had founded the village, and Silvano himself discovered Hokeb Ha Cave.  He was more than happy to take them.  They changed into their swimsuits in the restaurant bathroom while Silvano gathered his tour gear.  It was a short drive in their truck to the cave path, and then another twenty minute hike to the cave mouth.  Along the way, Silvano educated them on various flora and fauna, pointing out  camouflaged iguanas and plucking leaves for them to taste.  When they got to the cave mouth, they stripped off their shorts, donned headlamps and life vests then headed in.

They alternated between swimming through pools and climbing along the side of the cave, until Asha decided they'd gone far enough in.  Only their headlamps illuminated the pitch blackness.  Although Silvano had warned them about the current, Gabriel was surprised by the strength of it in some places.  He held onto Asha even though she assured him she was doing fine.

"The ancestors used this cave," Silvano explained. "There's an altar and many ceramics have been found that they used for ceremonies.  My people don't like to come in here because the cave is considered a gateway to the underworld."

Beside Gabriel, Asha laughed, sounding nervous.  "Me and my bright ideas."

He squeezed her hand.  "We'll be fine."

Asha let Silvano point out a few more stalactites and stalagmites before suggesting they head back.  After another short climb back down to the water, they had to let go of the rocks and trust to current to carry them. 

Asha made a sound, halfway between and gasp and a giggle.  "This is incredible.  A little terrifying but incredible."

"It is," Gabriel agreed, thinking that was a good description for this whole thing he was doing with her.  He loosened his grip on her hand and let her drift free, moving ahead of him as they made their way towards the bright cave mouth.   

They were nearly there when he went down.  One minute, they were making their way over an outcropping of rocks along the side of the cave, the next, he'd gone under, pain in his ankle making him suck water.  He was barely submerged when he felt hands on him, pulling him up.  Blinking water out of his eyes, he saw Asha's stricken face and felt bad for scaring her.  He tried to apologize but began to cough instead.  She and Silvano each took an arm and helped him to land.

Poor Silvano was horrified to see that Gabriel's ankle was bleeding and hovered around him like a mother hen.  "I'm so sorry."

Asha waved him off.  "It's ok.  I'm sure he'll be fine.  It's not your fault."  She was a drenched, shivering mess but still managed to give Silvano a reassuring smile. 

Rubbing Gabriel's back while he coughed up a lung, she knelt to look him in the eye.  The shock that had been on her face earlier was replaced with cool resolve.  "You're going to be ok."  She wasn't asking; she was commanding it.

He watched—inappropriately aroused despite his current condition—as Asha ripped a strip of cloth from her dry shirt then glanced around the area as if she was looking for something.  Stalking a few feet away, she snatched a few leaves from a cluster of low-lying plants beside the trail, popped them into her mouth, and started chewing.  When she knelt in front of him and spit green juice into her palm, he felt dangerously close to confessing his love for her.

"This should help stop the bleeding and make it hurt less," she said.  Behind her, Silvano nodded his approval, looking relieved. 

"Plantago major—broadleaf plantain—why would you even know about something like that?" Gabriel asked, letting her smear it on and wrap his ankle. 

She gave the bandage on his ankle one last tug.  Standing, she dusted off her knees and shrugged.  "I'm a librarian, remember?  It's my job to know obscure things." 

He didn't say anything to that, just watched her while she gathered up their shit and passed it off to Silvano, brisk and business-like. After helping him into his shirt, she got him up and with his arm slung over her shoulders, they hobbled back to the truck.

A few minutes into the walk back, he tried to get Asha to let him go.  Having her help him this way felt too good.  He needed to start weaning himself off her ASAP.  "I can walk on my own."

She paused long enough to give him an exasperated look.  "I'm sure you can but you don't have to.  Be quiet and let me do this."

He kept his mouth shut and let her soldier on, huffing and puffing as she helped him along the trail.  His ankle actually was hurting like a bitch but he'd never admit it, just like he'd never admit how nice it was to have her fussing over him like she cared.

When she held her hand out for the truck keys, he gave them to her.  He watched covertly as she drove: both hands on the wheel in perfect 9 and 3 position, her brow slightly furrowed, her lips pressed together in concentration.  Her energy was off, almost like she was angry.  After dropping Silvano off—with more assurances that his services had been fine and probably a hefty tip—she climbed back into the truck and took off abruptly, even kicking up some gravel in their wake.  Once the village had disappeared behind them, she pulled over suddenly.  For a moment, she didn't say anything, just strangled the steering wheel, her breathing getting faster and more shallow. 

"You...  You could have drowned," she said, her voice quavering.

"You know I wouldn't have."

"Bullshit!"  She slapped the dash, making him jump.  "Anyone can drown."  She turned to him, eyes blazing, and he thought she might slap him, too.  Instead, she launched herself at him, kissing him hard enough that their teeth clacked together and he tasted blood, although he wasn't sure if it was hers or his.  He should have stopped her from undoing his shorts, should have kept her from shimmying out of her own, pulling her swimsuit to the side then climbing into his lap and onto his bare cock but he was weak when it came to her and she felt like heaven.  Instead of pushing her off, he rubbed her clit and bit her hard nipples through her suit, his other hand tight in her hair.  He made her look at him, let her see him come apart, let her see things he couldn't say.  When she came, she hid her face against his neck and then clung to him until her breath stopped hitching.  When she finally sat back, the wetness on her face might have been tears but could just as easily have been the water still dripping from their hair.  She swiped it away, looking at him like she dared him to comment on it. 

"You scared the hell out of me back there," she said, busying herself with cleaning them both up then getting her shorts back on.

"Sorry."  His ankle throbbed but it was already less painful.  By morning, he'd be good to go.  He didn't get hurt often but when he did, he was thankful for letting the Program tamper with his DNA.  And although he knew they weren't at risk for accidently making a baby thanks to her birth control, he wondered what his tweaked genes would do to a kid.  His head knew it was a good thing he wasn't ever going to find out but his recently discovered heart—oh man.

Back on her side of the truck, Asha steepled her hands over her nose and mouth, inhaled and exhaled slowly, then put her seatbelt back on.  "No, I'm sorry.  Did I hurt your leg?" 

"Nope.  I kind of forgot about it 'til just now."  He thought ordinarily she might have laughed at that but now he got nothing.  She just kept staring straight ahead.   

"Good.  Gabriel... If something had happened to you..."  She bit her lip and shook her head.  She didn't say anything else all the way back to her resort.     

~

They made it back in time to arrange to have dinner prepared by her hosts and then after changing out of their wet clothes, Asha insisted that he rest his ankle, which by now was little more than an ache.

After messing around with her phone for a good ten minutes, she brought it over to the bed and held it out to him.  "You already know I'm on the pill.  Here are my most recent blood work results.  I haven't been with anyone since then so I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that I'm HIV negative and STD free."

He didn't take the phone.  "I don't need to see them.  I believe you.  I don't have anything to show you, but so am I."

She nodded.  "I trust you.  I shouldn't have jumped on you like that though.  I'm sorry.  I freaked out a little."

"Stopped apologizing and come play nurse."

With a smirk, she strolled over and bent down to remove the bandage, squinting as she looked for the raw patch of skin that wasn't there anymore.  "I could have sworn it looked a lot worse earlier."

"You were scared.  Things sometimes seem worse when your adrenaline is pumping.  Or maybe you healed me with your Mayan medicine."  She was still staring at his miraculously cured ankle and he could see the wheels spinning; Asha was no dummy.  "Or with what we did in the truck," he added, hoping to distract her.

She took the bait. "I'm good but not that good," she said with a little laugh.   "I've never done that before—had sex without a condom," she said, turning serious. 

He pulled her down next to him on the bed and held her hand.  "Me neither."

She turned his hand over and traced the lines on his palm.  After a moment, she looked up at him.  "I know we probably shouldn't but...  I want to again."

She was giving him a chance to be the voice of reason.  All he had to do was say no.  "I want that, too."

"Then let's," she said, standing to strip off her clothes.  She paused in the middle of undoing her shorts, giving him a dramatic look of concern.  "What kind of nurse am I?  You're supposed to be convalescing." 

"I'll let you do all the work.  Just go slow and I'll be fine." 

"You're sure?" she asked, letting the shorts and panties drop and climbing back over him.  He let her pull off his shirt and kept his hands to himself as she took her time removing her own.  "Any pain anywhere?  Here?"  She palmed his pecs and squeezed.  "What about here?"  She slid her hands up to his shoulders, digging her fingers in a little. 

"No, it's a little lower."  He gave in and grabbed her ass, pulling her closer so that she could feel the part of him that was aching for her.

"Oh my, we'll have to take care of that."  She broke character first, clutching him for balance as she dissolved into laughter.  The laughter faded and she stared into his eyes, so serious.  "I don't want to rush this."  She kissed him then hugged him close, her hands stroking up and down his back languidly.    

"Take all the time you need.  This is your show, Nurse Davis."      

She snorted and thumped his back then settled back into his arms.  "Do you mind if we just do this for a bit?"  One of her hands was now in his hair, fingernails lightly scratching his scalp.

"Mmm, no.  That feels great."  He wanted to be inside her—with nothing between them but skin and the time to appreciate how amazing it felt—but considering he'd never had anyone touch him this way before, he wasn't in a  big hurry to stop.

They were interrupted by knocking.  "Room service, Ms. Davis."

"Damn it," she muttered, scrambling back into her shorts and his shirt.  She pressed him back into the pillows.  "No, you stay there.  Stay just like that." 

He waited until she slipped outside then shucked the rest of his clothes and covered himself with the sheet.  When she came back, she looked at his shorts in a heap next to the bed and set the covered plates down.  "I guess dinner can wait."

~

He was full of food, well fucked, and half asleep when Asha drew breath to speak and he couldn't help laughing.

"What's so funny?"

She was giving him that look: one eyebrow raised and pursed lips.  It was cute and it made his dick hard but then so did just about everything she did.  "You.  What do you want to know this time?"         

"Oh, so you're psychic now?"

"With you, maybe."  And if that didn't prove how in over his head he was, nothing did. 

She had to laugh at that.  "Ok, so I just want to know some silly things.  I'll tell you my answers, if you want to know."

He scratched his beard, pretending to think about it.  "I guess."

"Ok, here we go.  Cats or dogs?"

He didn't have much experience with either.  "Dogs?"

"You don't sound so sure about that."

"I never had pets."  He remembered wanting a puppy but knowing he'd never get one.

"Well, I'll claim you as a dog person.  Favorite season?"

Again, he'd never had a preference but would now always think of her at this time of year.  "Summer."

"For me, it's a toss-up between spring and fall.  In the spring everything is so fresh and new but then I love how fall smells.  Hmm, let's see... favorite food?"

"God, I don't know.  I had bifana once in Lisbon.  Perfectly cooked, garlicky pork on a warm, crusty roll.  That was memorable."

"I'll have to look that up.  For me, it's tacos, the traditional kind with lots of onion and cilantro.  We both like stinky food."  He could hear the smile in her voice.  "Now, how about the last book you read."

"Go Rin no Sho... The Book of Five Rings by Musashi.  It's about battle."

"The last thing I read was called A Gentle Madness.  It's about crazy book collectors.  Of which I am one."

That sounded about right.  He waited for her to speak again.  "Is that it?"

She yawned and snuggled closer.  "One more, I think.  If you had to choose a different career, what would it be?  You don't have to answer if that's too intrusive.  I don't know what I'd do.  I like being a librarian.  Back in high school, I briefly thought about being a mortician because I heard they made the big bucks.  Can you imagine?"

He'd seen more dead bodies than one person should have to so no, he couldn't imagine her doing that.  "I didn't have any goals or aspirations back then.  I just wanted out of the house and out of that town."  Damn her for making him think about shit like this, for making him imagine an alternate reality where he was just an average man doing some random job, coming home to his pretty, book-crazy, librarian wife every day.  He exhaled his frustration away and squeezed her a little tighter.  "I guess it would be something that makes decent cash with minimum dealing with people.  A plumber or a computer programmer, I don't know.  I'm not really a people person."

She leaned up to kiss him, first on the nose, then on the lips.  "Except for me."  She grinned smugly then settled back into his arms.

"Yeah, except for you.  Now shut up and let me sleep."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The clock is winding down. How does Asha feel about it?

Day 5

It was early, probably around 5, judging by how dark and quiet the jungle was.  Asha had slept fitfully thanks to obsessing over her behavior yesterday.  Gabriel snoozed on beside her, the first guy she'd ever shared a bed with who didn't snore.  He was relaxed in sleep but still somehow retained a bit of the hyperawareness he possessed when awake, like he had to be ready for anything at any time.  Turning to her side, she touched his dark curls, stark against the crisp white cotton pillowcase, and his eyes opened, immediately focusing on her as if he hadn't been as deeply asleep as he'd seemed.

"How's your ankle?" she asked, stifling a yawn.  Her hand drifted from his hair to his face, her finger smoothing over one of his straight brows then the other, down his nose, to the small crease at the tip.  She stroked his jaw, which had been nearly clean-shaven when they'd first met but was now sporting a short beard with more than a few gray hairs.  She drew a finger across his lips, made somehow more lush by his facial hair, which tickled when they kissed and left a pleasant burn on her skin when he did other things.  Thinking of those other things made heat bloom low in her belly.

"Fine.  Pretty much 100% percent."  He flexed and rotated it with ease.

"Guess the combination of plantain spit and unprotected sex really works wonders.  You don't even have a bruise."

He shrugged and avoided her eyes, not taking the bait.  "Guess so."

"That's good because I was really hoping to do the drumming thing today."

Now he took her wrist and brought her hand up to his naked chest, turning on the charm.  "I'm fine.  Whatever you want to do...I can handle."

She smirked, shaking her head slowly at him.  It was a blatant distraction from discussing his miraculously healed ankle—just like he'd done yesterday when she took the bandage off—but again, she wasn't going to push.  Today was their last full day together and she intended to make every last second count. 

"Interesting choice of words."  She watched his eyes go dark as she circled his hard little nipple with her pinky.  

"I'm just saying.  Sorry, gotta take care of something first though."  He rolled away and walked off to the bathroom, completely and gloriously naked.

Asha watched until he closed the door then flopped over onto her back, one hand over her eyes.  God, he scrambled her brain sometimes.  She'd jumped his bones yesterday like a bitch in heat, convinced him to ditch condoms for their remaining time here—she hadn't lied when she told him she'd never done those things before.  Truth be told, she'd been a little out of her head since asking him to take her picture at the butterfly farm.  She'd noticed him with their tour group, trying to blend in.  Sure, he was young, handsome, and alone but there had been something else about him—his stillness, she now realized—that had made her aware of him like no one else.  She hadn't actually decided to fuck him until she'd shaken his hand and looked into his eyes.  Her stomach felt fluttery just thinking about it.

Love at first sight seemed so ridiculous and yet here she was.

The bathroom door opened and she listened to his footsteps approaching the bed.  He moved quietly—not silently but she got the feeling he did that for her benefit—and she wondered how he'd react if she pointed it out, pointed out all the small things she'd noticed about him that hinted at him being in a lot deeper than Special Forces.  Add to that the fact that he refused to talk about any of it.  She was no conspiracist but being a news nerd, she read enough to know what her government had done and was capable of doing.  Her overactive imagination was running wild.  Was he a CIA secret agent, a spy, an assassin?  And what did it say about her that him being any of those things didn't upset her in the same way that it would have five days ago?  She couldn't have picked a more complicated man to get involved with but if she had to do it over, she wouldn't pick anyone else.

"Did you fall asleep on me?  I guess you don't need anything handled right now."  He shook her foot then crawled up the bed to curl around her.

She lifted her hand to peek at him and felt an electric thrill from the way he was staring down at her.  She'd never turn down sex with him but she'd be happy just to wake up to that look every morning.  Too bad there was only one more left.  Her reply got caught on the sudden lump in her throat.  "Bathroom," she managed then jumped up and rushed over to it, wrestling her emotions back under control, determined not to ruin this day by breaking down and confessing her feelings.  She was almost certain he felt something for her too and that if he could, he would be with her.  Believing that would have to be enough.

"You ok in there?" he asking, tapping softly on the door.

"Fine.  Be right out."  She peed and tidied up, brushed her teeth, and splashed her face but there was no quick way to get rid of her reddened eyes and pink nose.  She doubted he'd comment on it anyway, knowing the can of worms it would open.

Instead, she took a deep breath and came out with her head up, hair pulled back so that he could get an unobstructed view of her body, and put a little extra twist in her hips and bounce in her tits.  She could play the distraction game as well as him.  Plus she'd never get enough of him looking like he wanted to devour her.  When she tried to straddle him, he flipped her onto her back and wedged his shoulders between her legs.

"Wait...are you sure about your ankle?" she asked, giggling and gasping as he kissed,  nibbled, and licked.

"Fuck my ankle.  I could be in a full body cast and still figure out a way to make you come.  They leave a slit for your mouth, right?"

She shrieked with laughter, delighted by this sudden smutty turn.  "Are you sure you didn't bump your head while you were underwater?"

"First you question my health, now my sanity."  He gave her a stern look then ruined it with a dirty grin.  "I'm good."  That was a massive understatement in all ways.  While she was distracted, he'd worked his way down to her pussy and was pulling her closer to his beautiful mouth.

"I'm kind of gross." 

"So am I.  Are you going to make me stop giving you the best head of your life for a shower?"

She smiled, petting his hair.  "Well, when you put it like that..."

"I like the way you taste and how you smell.  It's us."  He inhaled to prove it and hummed his appreciation.  "How much time do we have?"

"We don't have to be there until 5."

"Yes," he said, his warm breath on her making her squirm with need.

With past lovers, Asha would often fantasize about other things to get off.  Not with Gabriel.  She was fully present for every touch, every kiss.  He made as much noise as she did while he was going down on her.  And the way that he knew just what to do at any given moment—it was like he could read her mind.  It was no exaggeration to say it truly was the best head she'd ever had.

She watched him down the length of her body, raked her fingers through his hair, slid her hand lower to touch his working jaw and to spread herself for him.  His eyes had been closed but now they opened slowly and she was swallowed up in his deep brown gaze while he drove her higher and higher.  Then she couldn't watch anymore, she had to close her eyes and just feel:  the light bite of his fingertips where he held her legs wide, the occasional brush of his scruff against her tender skin, the unfaltering flick of his tongue.  He moaned his encouragement as she circled her hips.  Close, so close.  She couldn't keep her hands off of herself, couldn't be still, could barely breathe.  At the exact moment she thought her heart might give out, she came, her entire body stiffening, back arching at the delicious shock of it and then her muscles going lax as the pleasure spread slowly outward from where he was coaxing out each pulse with only the tip of his tongue, until she groaned and wrigged away.      

She was lying there, languid and drifting, when he began to kiss his way back up her body.  "Keep going," she murmured, not giving him a chance to ease inside her just yet.  He made noises of protest and put up a half-assed fight but when she opened her eyes, he was where she wanted him, kneeling over her chest, one hand hanging loose by his side and the other mostly hiding his cock as he held it to his belly, his face a mix of lust and bashful awkwardness.  "Let me," she whispered, adjusting the pillows under her shoulders and neck and brushing his hand away.  He sucked in a breath when she laid her hands on him and she could feel his muscles jumping under her palms as she touched everything she could reach:  soft skin, marred here and there with scars, hard muscle, the hair on his thighs a crisp, tickly contrast to the soft fur on his belly and chest.  Finally, she tasted him, a swipe of her tongue from base to tip while her fingers played lower.  "Give it to me," she said, and he did, gripping his cock and angling to her mouth.  She teased with a kiss, her tongue in his slit, her lips around nothing but the head, bumping his squeezing fist. 

"Look at you," he said, his hand falling away. 

"Yeah, keep looking.  Watch me."  This most intimate of acts was for her as much as it was for him.  This time was for more than pleasure.  She had to commit him to memory:  his taste, his scent, how he felt against her tongue and under her fingers.   She took him down, watched him struggle to keep his eyes on her, felt his heartbeat in her mouth, and his guttural groan in her pussy, in her bones.  It didn't last nearly as long as she would have liked but he still gave her everything she wanted.  Some wordless thing, there in his fingers on her face and in her hair, in the ragged rhythm of his  breath and the sound of her name in his mouth when he came, in the flex of his hips, a bit rough and out of control, she wanted that too.

"Fuck," he said, collapsing next to her.  "I don't know how you expect me to function, destroying me like that."

"Just returning the favor."  She lay sprawled next to him, momentarily sated.  They were both a sweaty, sticky mess but she couldn't be bothered to even reach for the tissue box.  "I could lie here like this all day if I wasn't starving."

"Same here."  He rolled over and kissed her, using a finger to follow individual braids from her scalp to where they were spread out on the pillow.  "I can go find something if you want."

She heaved a sigh.  "No, I need to go into town anyway.  I haven't bought one souvenir since I've been here.  My family will never let me hear the end of it."

"You've been busy," he said, dropping his head until their foreheads touched and kissing her again.  It seemed like the closer it got to her leaving, the more free he got with his emotions.  Maybe tomorrow wouldn't really be the end. 

Hope could be such a depressing thing.

Feeling the waterworks coming on again, she forced a laugh and sat up, facing away from him.  "That excuse won't fly.  My sister's going to take one look at me and know exactly what I spent my whole vacation doing.  Don't worry though.  I won't tell them anything about you.  Or Geoff Nash or whoever.  You know what I mean."

He grazed his fingers down her spine then dropped his hand to the bed.  "I know you won't."  A few minutes of heavy silence passed.  "I'm gonna hit the shower.  Join me?"

"Sure.  Go on.  I'll be in in a few."

  ~

They found a decent breakfast at a place called The Snack Shack and then Gabriel patiently trailed along behind Asha as she collected her family's PG swag.  When she was finished, she lingered in the last store, wanting one more thing but at a loss for what to get her Secret Squirrel vacation fling.

"What's up?  Did you forget someone?"

"No, I just...wanted to give you something."

He smiled and tapped his temple.  "You already gave me everything.  Things I didn't know I wanted."  The smile faded, replaced by a look of sudden realization.  "Wait, am I supposed to be getting you something?"  Before she could respond, he disappeared back into the shop and she could just barely hear him conferring with the woman inside.  When he returned he had something behind his back.  "Put that bag down, close your eyes, and give me your hand."  Of course it wouldn't be a ring but that didn't stop her heart from leaping into her throat.  He turned her hand over and unfurled her fist, hooking whatever it was over her open fingers. "Ok, you can look now."

It was a handbag she'd admired, woven by local Maya women.  There were bits of yellow and red running through it but the primary color was blue, the same blue as the butterflies that had brought them together.  How he knew to pick that one out of all the others was another of his mysteries since she'd taken one look at the price tag—without touching it or the bag—and quickly moved on.  "Gabriel.  You really didn't have to do this but thank you.  I love it."  _I love you._ She felt her eyes well up but was helpless to stop it.

He pulled up his t-shirt to dab the tears away, his face solemn.  "I thought it would be good for books."   

 _The surefire way to her heart, and with him, into her pants._ She went from wanting to sob to just plain wanting him, right then and there.  "A very expensive book bag," she said, trying to play it cool.

"It's money well spent if it makes you look at me like that."

"And how is that?"

"You know how—like you have other ways you want to thank me.  My hotel or yours this time?"

~

One of the greatest things about hooking up with someone in a tropical paradise was fewer clothes to remove, Asha thought, as she dropped her top onto the small pile they'd made just inside Gabriel's hotel room.  The sooner they were skin on skin, the better.  No waiting for Gabriel to back her up against the wall, kiss her until she felt weak, put his hands and mouth all over her like he owned her, which, in the most important ways, he did, even if she didn't speak it out loud.  He groaned open-mouthed against her throat when his fingers found the slickness nearly dripping from her, and again when he slid one inside.

"Yes."  She clutched his shoulders, wound one of her legs around his.  "Now.  Fuck me now."

He froze and pulled back enough so that she could see his face, see a flash—of hurt?—in his eyes.  "That's what you want?  For me to fuck you?"

She wanted him to make love to her, to _love_ her, but that wasn't what they'd agreed to.  She ran restless hands over his chest, down his back.  Why should he be hurt when he'd told her in so many words that he couldn't be hers?  "I just want you.  Gabriel, please.  I need you."  _I love you.  God, I love you so much._

"Ok," he said, his face carefully neutral. 

He did fuck her at first, giving her all of his skills but none of his passion.  She could feel the way he kept a part of himself from her, for reasons she could only guess at.  It didn't last long though.  She broke him with sweet kisses and tender touches.  She could feel him giving in, softening in her arms.

 

"Tell me again.  What you want," he said, his voice like she'd never heard it.  Vulnerable.

"You.  Only you." 

He carried her from the wall to the bed and she clung to him as he made love to her properly.  Afterward, they lay side by side in a heavy silence.  Asha was trying to make sense of what had just happened when Gabriel slid his hand into hers.  "I'm not ready for this to be over." Not a declaration of love but amazingly nonetheless. 

"Neither am I,"  she admitted, staring up at the slowly revolving ceiling fan, feeling the time slipping away.    

 ~

"It's going to be weird being back at work.  I feel like I've been gone for twice as long but at the same time, not long enough.  What in the world are you doing?"   They were stretched out on the bed facing away from each other, his head down by her feet.    

He wiggled the third toe on her left foot.  "What's this scar?"

"I hit a patch of sand and wiped out on my bike when I was around ten."

He continued up, touching her knee.  "This one?" 

"Same accident.  I came crawling into the house, blood and gravel everywhere.  I scared my mom to death."

They catalogued each of her scars, until he was lying next to her again, but when she tried to do the same she got exactly what she expected:  shut down.

"All from work, all classified intel.  You know I'm not talking to you about this."

"Hey, you started it."  She pouted and he rolled his eyes.  "Every single one?  Come on."     

He balled his hands into fists, showing her his knuckles then pointed to a tiny scar under his right eye and another on his chin.  "Ok, some of these are from school.  I told you I had some trouble fitting in."

Her heart ached for his younger self:  displaced, unpopular and, possibly, unloved.  She risked another question.  "Ever thought about quitting?"

"I never did before I came here."  He hadn't said 'before I met you' but the way that he looked at her, how he touched her, let her pretend that's what he'd meant.  "But it's not an option."

"But you would, if you could."

After a moment, he made a motion that was neither a clear yes or no.  She wanted more—that he'd come find her and then they'd live happily ever after—but it was going to have to be enough that he seemed to care for her, that maybe while he was off doing whatever top secret shit he did, he'd think about her from time to time.

~

They went back to her cottage so that she could change into the one semi-fancy outfit she'd brought along.  It was just a soft peach sleeveless top and a wispy floral maxi skirt but she felt like dressing up would improve her mood.  The look on his face definitely lifted her spirits.

"You look beautiful."

"Thanks, so do you."  He scoffed at that but it was true.  He'd regressed somewhat back to the mostly serious,  intense man she'd first met and there was a certain dark allure to him when he was that way.    

The Garifuna drumming center was on the beach and had its own cabanas for rent, a fact that Asha wished she would have known about before booking her trip.  She couldn't help but notice their advertisement that if you got married nearby, they'd even play at your ceremony.  She let herself imagine it:  both of them dressed exactly as they were right now, pledging their lives to each other, and then spending their honeymoon fucking like bunnies with the crashing waves for a soundtrack.  It was a nice dream but she wasn't going to let herself be sad for these remaining hours and thankfully, the director of the center and the drumming group, made up of teenage boys and girls, made it impossible to do anything but be entirely in the present, enjoying the experience. 

After giving them brief history of the Garifuna people, their hosts showed them the two main types of drums used and explained how they were made.  They ran through the seven core rhythms played on the drums and then demonstrated a bit of each, accompanied by the Garifuna version of maracas and percussion blocks; shakas, and turtle shells plus the girls singing along.  After a brief demonstration of some of the dances that went along with the rhythms, they focused on the Punta, which got their small group laughing and cheering due to its main movement:  butt shaking. 

Asha wasn't the best dancer but when they asked for volunteers, she got right out there and did a pretty good job.  It made her fiercely happy that Gabriel's eyes stayed on her the whole time.  She was going to embed herself so deep in his head, he'd never be able to forget her.

After the dancing, they were served a dinner of the traditional Garifuna sere and hudut; a fish and coconut stew with mashed plantains on the side.  They ate the traditional way—with their hands—and Gabriel watched her while he made a show of dragging the hudut slowly through the sere and then licking his fingers clean.  Some of the others in their tour group stuck around after the meal to speak with the drummers, singers, and dancers but not them.  They made a beeline back to his hotel and spent the rest of the night in bed, neither of them wanting to waste time on sleep.  It was the middle of the night when they finally passed out, holding onto each other like they'd never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to be pretty accurate with the places visited but this time I mashed together two drumming schools because they each had their charms. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, my friends. Feels ahead.

Day 6

They made love before the sun came up, had breakfast in bed, then made love again.  The sex was silent and urgent—the exact opposite of how it had been the day before, the pleasure Gabriel felt now bittersweet.  Asha was uncharacteristically quiet, speaking only when he asked her questions and avoiding eye contact.  She was already ending it, shutting him down at every turn.  If only he had the balls to do the same.  No, he was going to hold onto this—hold onto her—until she stepped on the plane.

He carried her bags and put them in the truck like she asked him to, wishing that she'd look at him or touch him.  The words were on the tip of his tongue—the three little words that he never saw himself saying to anyone.  Too bad saying them wouldn't change who he was or what he did.  At the end of the day, he was trash that would only drag her down.

The drive to the airport was tense and silent.  His only consolation was that Asha seemed to be as miserable as he was.  He was able to drive her almost all the way up to the plane, a little puddle jumper sitting out on the tarmac that was so small it didn't even have roll-up stairs for boarding.

"Well," she said, finally looking him in the eye.  "I guess this is it, huh?"

He gripped the steering wheel and tried to speak past the tightness in his throat.  "I guess."

She raised a hand as if to touch him but lowered it again.  It both pleased and upset him to see that it trembled.  "Gabriel—"  She turned away and took a breath.  When she looked back at him, her eyes were shiny and the tip of her nose was pink.  "These were the best five days of my life.  I'd say six but today kind of sucks."  She laughed and sniffled, swiping at her eyes.  When she spoke again, it was in a broken whisper.  "I won't say goodbye.  I can't.  Be well."  She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek then jumped out of the truck.

Like a dick, he let her fumble her luggage out of the truck bed and watched, frozen in place, as she boarded the plane.  He could see her through the plane window but she wouldn't look his way, didn't see the tears that escaped despite his best attempt at keeping them inside.    He put his head down until he couldn't hear the plane anymore then went back to the hotel to get his shit.  As he stuffed everything into his duffel bag, a small piece of paper flew out of it, fluttering to the floor.    

It was Asha's neat handwriting; he'd seen it out at the chocolate farm when she wrote her name on their take-home bag.   There was just one line, signed with an A inside a small heart.         

_~_

Four Months Later – Alaska

It just has to be snowing when 5 is supposed to get the fuck on his way.  3 begrudgingly decides to let him stick around until the weather lets up.

5 steps outside to check out the weather.  "You hearing that?" he asks.

3 joins him at the open door of the cabin and gives him a look of confused concern; he can definitely hear something.  He goes to check the radio.

"You expecting anything?"  5 is still standing outside, listening.

"In this weather without a heads up?"  3 adjusts the frequency and gets nothing but static.

"Well, it's definitely getting closer."  5 comes over to the radio, eyeing it skeptically.  "What d'ya got?"

"Nothing, man.  I got nothing."

 "Is it working?"

"Yeah, it's working.  The gear is fine.  There's nothing wrong with the gear."

"Huh.  Well, maybe it's a resupply."  5 goes outside again to take a look.

"They were here yesterday and they can't land in this anyway," 3 says, referring to the snow storm outside.

"Who the hell is it?"

"I don't know."  They stare at each other, listening as the hum comes closer.  It sounds just like the drone they sent off yesterday.  Something is fucking wrong about this.   "I don't know.  We should spread."

_~_

He wasn't sure how much time passed after the world went up in flames.  Pain dragged him out of unconsciousness and when he finally managed to lift his throbbing head to look around, he could see that there was nothing but smoldering ruins where the cabin had been.

5 was nowhere in sight.  Neither was the drone that had apparently fired on them.  He listened for it, hearing nothing but the wind and 5's wolf buddies howling mournfully in the distance.      

As the pain increased, so did his awareness of the cold, which helped clear his muddled head.  The last thing he remembered was heading around the back of the cabin towards the woods.  The explosion had thrown him into the trees and now he was sprawled on the remains of a sapling, with a broken branch as thick as his thumb protruding from his hip.  The only explanation he could think of for not being a smear in the snow was that the branch had damaged or destroyed his tracking chip, killing the beacon the drones used to hone in on live targets.  He tested his legs—still working—then eased into a sitting position so that he could try to get a look at what he was dealing with.  He was one lucky asshole to find that the pocket knife he always kept on him was still stuffed into the inner pocket of his tattered coat, so he cut a slit in the snow pants to prod near the wound then shifted around, gauging the pain.  It wasn't near an artery, so if he pulled the branch out, he'd bleed a fair amount but it wouldn't be a gusher.  He decided he might as well remove the chip too, just to be on the safe side.  All he needed was to be able to move well enough to get the fuck out of here.  He stripped to remove his thermal undershirt, redressed, then plucked some fill out of his coat and tore the undershirt into strips for bandages.  On the count of three, he yanked.

~

Two years later - Indiana

Fall was finally here for real, Asha thought, slipping a jacket on over her pajamas and wellies on her bare feet to go feed the chickens and collect eggs.  The remaining leaves on the trees rattled in the light breeze and she could see her breath as she hustled out to the coop.  The sooner she was back in her toasty bed, the better.  She'd just finished scooping the feed into the chickens' trough when her hyper dog started to bark-howl, a blood-curdling sound that could be triggered by something as small as a creaky floorboard, all the way up to an actual person or animal in the vicinity.

"Damn it, you dumb dog," she muttered, hurriedly refilling the chicken waterer.  The dog's barking seemed to be getting more frenzied so maybe there was someone at the house even though there wasn't a car in sight.

"Ok, alright.  Settle down!" she called, doing a quick check to be sure her four chickens were all accounted for before turning to head back.

When she first saw the man, watching her silently not fifty feet away, she felt the same sick rush of adrenaline she'd felt when Nash had gotten loose and nearly been hit by a car going way too fast out on her country road.  He was the boogeyman out of a horror movie that her mom was always worried about, come to murder her.  But then little things about him began to seem familiar: the way he held himself, the tilt of his head, the set of his shoulders.  She tried to see his face but it was hard with the rising sun at his back.  All she could make out was buzz-cut hair and bristly jaws, both flecked with gray.  Then he took a step forward and even though he had a slight limp, there was no mistaking the way he moved.

The eggs she'd collected fell to the ground, forgotten.  It was so cliché to be running to him but she didn't care.  She might have thrown herself at him too if not for the limp and the fact that he looked like he'd literally been through hell.  He was thin almost to the point of gauntness and had a two-inch scar on his forehead that bisected his right eyebrow.  Who knew what his clothes were hiding.

No matter.  He was the most beautiful thing she'd seen since she boarded the plane out of Punta Gorda all those many months ago.    

"I see you got the chickens.  No husband running out with a shotgun to blow my head off and no toys laying around though," he said.  Oh God, his voice.  After all this time, she still heard it in dreams and there was no mistaking it.

"Nope, just me and my loudmouth mutt."

"I was going to get on you about the security out here and how anyone could just walk up on you but your dog's one hell of an alarm."

"I thought of you when I got her.  In fact, her name is Nash."

He chuckled, a sound that churned up all of the feelings for him that she thought she'd managed to bury, along with a huge chunk of her heart.  She went the rest of the way to him and slid her arms around him, slowly and carefully.  Maybe this was just another dream and as soon she touched him, she'd wake up.  But no, he was solid and warm, his heart thumped away beneath her cheek, and his particular scent was there, mingled with the smells of dried leaves and smoke, the perfume of autumn out here in the country.

"Let's go inside.  You can meet the pup and I can get some coffee on."  She pointed at the eggs on the ground.  "Having a fresh supply of these is great but getting up this early every morning sucks." 

While she removed her boots and coat, Nash ran through her usual visitor routine, running around in circles with the nearest toy in her mouth before flopping down and rolling over for belly rubs, which Gabriel knelt down to give her.

Asha turned on the Keurig and got down two mugs.  It wasn't until she reached for the box of k-cups that it hit her and she had to grab the kitchen counter to steady herself.  Gabriel.  Here in her house, in her kitchen.  Something he'd told her could never, ever happen.  Turning, she found him watching her, his hand still patting Nash absently.  She opened her mouth to ask how and why but couldn't find any words.

He stood again but didn't move toward her.  "Are those pajamas?"

The odd question caught her off-guard and made her laugh.  "Yes.  I only get up this early for those stupid chickens.  I was going back to bed."

"Well, don't let me stop you."  He glanced at the door.

"What will you do?"  She had to ask, just to hear what he would say but if he thought she was going to let him go again, he was crazy.  All of a sudden, she felt an unreasonable anger bubbling up, maybe her mind's defense mechanism to keep from dissolving into teary hysterics.

"I'll wait here, with Nash."  Nash's ears perked up at the mention of her name and she looked up at him hopefully, her plume of a tail thumping slowly on the tile floor.

"So you can decide maybe you shouldn't have come here after all and slip away?  I don't think so.  Nash comes with me so that means you have to, too.  I should probably be lying down anyway when you tell me what happened that made it possible for you to be here."

He stood awkwardly next to the bed, watching as she and Nash got settled, her under the comforter and Nash curled at the foot of the bed.  When she beckoned, he finally sat to remove his boots then laid stiffly beside her, on top of the covers.

"I died.  Again," he said at last, staring up the ceiling.

A startled snort burst out of her.  "No offense but it looks like you came pretty close to doing it for real."  She scooted closer and touched his face to make him look at her.  "I'm glad you didn't."

He sighed and she could feel the tension leave his body.  He smiled wearily.  "I'm glad you're glad." 

She listened silently as he told her what had happened to him, from being exiled in Alaska as punishment for their fling, to having his own country try to snuff him out to keep their black ops shit from being exposed.  At the end of it, she grabbed his hand, feeling panic rising.  "So what's to stop them from finding you here and murdering us both?"

"It all came out and they got shut down.  They had someone on you for a year before it went before a Senate committee and the CIA cleaned house.  I waited another year just to be sure.  At this point, everyone involved with Outcome is either disgraced and in jail or dead."

"Or presumed dead," she said, eyeing him meaningfully.  She vaguely recalled the stories in the news but she'd been too absorbed in her own misery over being back in the real world alone to pay much attention.  The rest of his words penetrated and she forgot about being wiped out for moment.  "Two years?  You've been watching me for two years?"

He scrubbed at his face with both hands. "It was hell, being so close to you but having to stay away until I was sure it was safe.  I missed you.  So much.  You have no idea."

She recalled times she'd thought she'd seen him in a crowd or turned around suddenly, feeling like someone was watching her and hoping it was him, that he'd decided he couldn't live without her.  "Oh, but I do."

A few moments of quiet went by, interrupted only by Nash's heavy sigh as she shifted around at their feet.  Gabriel took something out of his pocket, which she recognized as the slider tin she'd seen in his hotel room back in Belize.  He'd said it was for his military-prescribed meds.  Now he opened it to take something out that he held between his thumb and forefinger, stroking it every now and then as he spoke.

"I already told you that when I died the first time, I was reborn in the Outcome Program as Geoff Nash.  There's so much more to it."  Gabriel paused and then tucked what he'd been holding into her hand.  It was a piece of paper folded into a small square, its edges tattered, the color of it yellow from handling.  "You already know I couldn't tell you before for your own safety but I also didn't want you to know about me, about what I really am."

"Tell me."

And he did.  Haltingly at first, starting with the Program meds and what they did, then what he'd agreed to do in his new life, then what he'd actually done for his country, the same country that tried to make him and all of his secrets disappear.  "When we met in PG, I should have just left you alone."

"Gabriel, no.  Meeting you was..." She smiled, thinking back to that day among the butterflies.  "It changed me."  She opened the note, careful not to tear the fragile paper.  She could barely see the words she'd written to him on that last day and she thought that he must have kept it on him and read it, over and over, and that's why it was so worn.  "I fell in love for the first time in my life.  I wanted to tell you to your face but I couldn't."

"So you wrote it on that and hoped I'd find it.  What if I hadn't?"

"But you did and that's all that matters."

"While I was packing to leave.  I've had it on me ever since.  I may have read it a few hundred or thousand times."  He turned his head to look at her, giving her the shadow of a smile.  "It got me through my time in Alaska.  It got me here.  But I need to tell you the rest... I've got a lot of blood on my hands."

She took a moment to let that sink in.  "Soldiers fight and kill.  They do it for their country because that's what they get paid to do.  Do I like that?  No, but coming from a family with someone in the military, I understand that's just how it is.  You were a soldier before you became Geoff Nash and a soldier after."

"It wasn't random.  They're called high-payoff targets."

"Like Osama Bin Laden?"

"Sort of, but these are people the average civilian never heard of and they're not the end of a mission like Bin Laden was.  According to the Department of Defense, they're 'a target whose loss will significantly contribute to the success of a friendly course of action.' 

"And loss means death?"

"Usually although an HPT isn't always a person.  Sometimes they're things."

"So, a preemptive strike."

"Yes.  I killed for them, Asha."

It was an awful thing to confess but confirmed the suspicions Asha had back in Belize.  And she wasn't naive about the way the government did business.  "Were there children?"

Gabriel looked horrified.  "No, never."

"Did you rape and pillage?  Torture?  Take selfies and souvenirs?"  she asked, referring to Abu Ghraib and the endless flow of war porn that some sick assholes reveled in during and after the Iraq War.  She knew without a doubt that Gabriel had never done or would ever do any of those things but asking would hopefully help him put his actions in perspective.    

"Hell no."

She hated to ask the next question especially when she knew in her heart what the answer would be.  "Would you ever do it again?  Kill?"

"If I had to do it to protect you—in a heartbeat."

His response shouldn't have sent a dark thrill through her the way that it did.  "Is there anything else you haven't told me?"

He gave a short, mirthless laugh.  "Isn't it enough?"  He met her gaze with difficulty.  "No, there's nothing else."        

"I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little shook up."  She could feel the tension back in his body again so she took one of his hands between both of hers, rubbing to warm it up.  "Remember when you told me that you're nothing like Geoff Nash?  It's true.  He's someone you had to be but he's not the man I know.  The man I love.  Maybe I can help you believe that so that you can learn forgive yourself.  If you're sticking around for a while."

Gabriel's face transformed, like a condemned man given a reprieve.  "There's no place else I'd rather be."  He took Asha in his arms and it was 100 hundred times better than how she remembered it.  When he spoke again, she felt it in her bones.  "There is one more thing...  I love you, Asha.  I wanted to tell you so many times—"

She cut him off with a kiss that was in turn interrupted by Nash's cold nose nudging them apart.  Her family had taken to calling Nash "The Love Hater" because she always broke up any displays of affection.     

She hugged him tight, smoothing a hand over his brutally short hair while he shuddered silently against her.  When he finally got himself together, she gave him back the note.  "You can tell me as many times as you want to now."  Then she got up to put Nash out so that she could give him a proper homecoming.

**Author's Note:**

> I watched "that scene" over and over again and there was no body. Fight me.


End file.
